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Apocalypse One.
Born on a dead and lonely planet
She opens her eyes to witness a stark new day.
All she has is her mother's grave.
Aftermath of apocalypse
will her world re-populate?
Walks the earth imagination working
where did the human race go?
Will they return, or is she destined
go mad on this godforsaken world?
Echoes From a human voice reverberate.
But it is only a recording,
a masculine tone she can not fathom.
The words he speaks, afford some solace.
Love grows, fantasy keeps her sane.
A true romance
With in her starved brain.
He must be her savior.
or she will live her life alone.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Thinking of making this a series.
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Thu, 2011-09-29 13:04
Xena
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Hooded Stranger
Thu, 2011-09-29 13:55
Lou
Lou,
as you know as I have already said about this piece elsewhere...this is my favourite Lou poem of all time. And I still can't put my finger on...why?
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Thu, 2011-09-29 15:32
Dan
I can't tell you why you like it, but i'm glad that you do.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
wesley snow
Thu, 2011-09-29 19:01
This is massively creepy.
I think most everyone knows that I prefer the even rhythm/rhyme stuff, but this caught my attention. Perhaps it's the story or maybe the spooky language. Anyway, I was able to "see" the poem as I read and I think that's the crux of it all.
Since Xena gave you a little suggestion, perhaps I may? I think "witnesses" needs to be singular.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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wesley snow
Thu, 2011-09-29 19:01
This is massively creepy.
I think most everyone knows that I prefer the even rhythm/rhyme stuff, but this caught my attention. Perhaps it's the story or maybe the spooky language. Anyway, I was able to "see" the poem as I read and I think that's the crux of it all.
Since Xena gave you a little suggestion, perhaps I may? I think "witnesses" needs to be singular.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lou
Fri, 2011-09-30 03:39
Wesley
Im open to suggestions, that is part of my reason for being here. I'm glad that you liked my poem.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2011-09-30 03:37
Jayne
You know what i'm like for typos lol
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Fri, 2011-09-30 12:12
Dear Lou,
This is truly forlorn and gruesome! Have you seen that old movie; "a dog and his boy"? If not I highly recommend it!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Fri, 2011-09-30 12:40
Cat
No I haven't seen that film, i'll have a look for it.
Thanks
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2011-09-30 12:41
Xena
thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!