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Soul Seeker's Fate
Soul seeker's fate
A surreal trip through a hall of mirrors
Distorted irrevocably warped,
visions of the elephant man.
Distended frame ,bowed and bent
Wizened creature life force spent
Vile technician of pain.
Ripping hearts and souls usunder
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.
Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2011-02-19 01:41
Just a couple...
of minor tweaks. 6.1 has a space where there shouldn't be any. [usunder]
And denizen needs not be capitalised. Nicely done, but needs a little more suspense. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Sat, 2011-02-19 03:03
Gee
Thanks ill look at it.
Which parts of the poem do not work in your opinion ?
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sat, 2011-02-19 06:34
Hi
thank you
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sat, 2011-02-19 07:19
Shirley
Good thought but i i prefer the title i'm using.
thank you for your help though
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Sun, 2011-02-27 15:24
Dear Lou,
I really do like the premise for this piece. This is one bad-assed dude! But I agree with Sir Gee that more suspense would be nice. my favs:
Ripping hearts and souls usunder
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.
Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks
Love ya,
Cat (and eddy!)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 17:32
Cat (and Eddy)
Thank you, the soul seeker is a fallen angel, and the protagonist of my novel.
Much Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:24
You were correct
I enjoyed this quite a bit and found it to be quite dark and surreal.Thanks for sharing it, its right up my ally;-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
lou
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:41
KINGZOMBIE
Thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!