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on this river
with or without
he’s been given a taste of both
and wonders next time if he could skip the ending
or if there’d be no ending at all
I wasn't there
but i watched every second
and felt the pain, just the same
as if he’d plunged the knife down my throat
with or without
he’s more familiar with the latter
but that smile…
that smile and the way he held his drink
with the confidence it would never empty
I wasn't there but i might as well have been
stuck on this river with his hands in my hair
hungry
he’d been searching for nourishment
since before we met
and now he would feast
with or without
I’d rather the first
but he never offered the luxury
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
lovedly
Mon, 2022-11-28 07:26
Such intensely remarkable poetry
you are born young
but BIG metaphorically
your poem has many meanings
upcoming young man
hold his /her hand
leoferaco
Wed, 2022-11-30 14:33
Thank you Lovedly
Glad you could enjoy this one, spent a lot of time on it. Thank you
Lavender
Tue, 2022-11-29 21:32
On This River
Hi, Leo,
A sullen, gray mood to this one, and well done. The final stanza, especially the final line - piercing and consuming.
L
leoferaco
Wed, 2022-11-30 14:32
Thank you
Always appreciated Lavender, i felt very strongly when writing this one.
lovedly
Wed, 2022-11-30 03:44
you never reply
many won't read you see soonly....................
leoferaco
Wed, 2022-11-30 14:32
My apologies
Just a busy time of my life, end of my third year university term. got many other things to worry about unfortunately, wish i could stay on here all day replying to everyone but i just dont have the time.