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Moments Of Clarity In Night City
Walking on Rush,
back in Night City after midnight,
bars muffled by cold and traffic,
hunched clots of shoulders bowing in the wind
freezing off the lake,
I slid by a canyon alley narrow between scrapers
and glimpsed
dark beauty, round curves tight,
swelling breasts and full lips,
wide hips,
oval face lit by orange
sodium light
in pit of night,
flushed hard with business
and boredom,
gaze turned away from grunting john
to me,
her bangles beating time to thrust
clicking time in darkness
ticking time for someone else’s lust,
our eyes connected for
a briefest moment;
we came together
at the center
of the instance and
I knew
fragility masked by hardened need
loneliness shrouded by fake desire
desperation fed by endless want
and hatred for a stranger's paying touch
before the mask slipped back
and I was looking at
just another grasping whore
face sunk with too much anonymity
mouth hard,
eyes and eyebrows
asking if I wanted to be next,
and she was gone,
my footsteps ringing,
taking me back into
the welcome dark again.
Comments
Race_9togo
Thu, 2011-04-14 23:07
Pretty good,
Indent works fine.
Text entry area is not wide enough, needs to be twice its current width.
Very easy to paste from Word 2007.
Very difficult to split lines once posted, without leaving a double space between the new lines (see last line of poem, there should not be extra space there.)
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-04-15 05:15
did you want feedback
on this as a poem?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Fri, 2011-04-15 12:11
lol
Its Neopoet...of course I do, if you feel so inclined! I was just testing, but fire away; this is an old one from the old site, hence my "not actively editing", but feel free my friend.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-04-16 01:29
I've got to ask
"rush" is drug slang for amyl nitrate here. A sniffer that pumps up your heart and boosts orgasms, popular in gay circles. Is that the "Rush" you refer to?
Powerful scenario, I can see how the formatting helps.
But I'm a bit of a purist, it is almost impossible to control formatting unless you use PDFs so I would generally recommend not relying on it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Sat, 2011-04-16 22:48
Hi Jess
Rush...oh yeah I know all about Amyl Nitrate, but I'm afraid the "Rush" mentioned here is Rush Street, a Chicago street famous for bars, restaurants, and back when I was a young and single man, a notorious center for prostitution, although I hear it's been cleaned up some in the years since I frequented the place. This poem is the result of a real event, I was on my way to a certain bar to listen to some of my friends play a blues gig when this happened.
Then again, "Rush" works both ways, now i think about it.
I know exactly what you mean regarding italics. I usually avoid them myself, as I'm sure you know, but this piece just seemed to lend itself to them. I had a devil of a time getting them right though. Andrew's new advanced formatting works pretty well, but as you can see there's still that last line double-spaced when it shouldn't be!
I'm sure he'll get it fixed real soon, though.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-05-31 01:37
Jim
Where the hell did this come from?
This is a powerful write, exposing life at it's harshes, Yet showing the humanity of lost individuals.
Damn brother, I'm impressed!
The indent gave it a life of its own, I need to try it.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-05-31 04:31
Thanks Ed
It's from the old site. I posted it to test the advanced formatting. I wasn't going to edit it, but I found a minor problem and fixed it.
I still see her, when I walk the streets at night.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-05-31 04:33
Jim
is she stepping on your territory. you fuck'en whore you. hahaha
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-05-31 05:00
LMFAO
No, her eyes haunt me when I walk in the city, that's all.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-05-31 05:10
hahaha!! Crazy Eddie
hahaha!!
Crazy Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE