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Foundry
the night is speaking
its shriek whistle
pleading to the blue hills
wrapped in its gauze
its quilt houses in their
peeling paint
and sunscorned brickworks
feeding the industry
the machinery
and humanity crawling
in its worm speed tracks
the river swerving
where we baptized bathed
and watched fall blazeworks
in cold clear dusks
dipped toes in summer
sweet days
and fell in love
on bridges
riveted with a pace
that melded time
we stand sipping
colas holding hand in hand
feeling the current
blur the nightscape
and count the windows
coming on
for evening meals
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
north ontario
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Comments
Esker
Tue, 2011-04-19 14:24
Mr Lonnie
I grew up near Milltowns built at the turn of the century small
with rivers for lumber and tourism the rails passing through
and it was some time before shifting from pastoral reads
to the grittier works of American Authors (some freinds
I can thank today for that of youth) But in idle moments
I remember waiting for a girlfreind from a mill office to
be let from work and then as a young man grew up from teen
to mid twenties in another larger milltown tourist town
both haunted beautiful and lovely Im greatful this poem has
inspired your amazing comment
Thank You Sir!
author commentbrittle light
Tue, 2011-04-19 14:49
wow!
I like this poem! would I change anything? What for? I like it...in its whole, totality, gestalt. There would be no reason to tear it apart, line by line, word by word, unto syllable, unto single letter etc. It works as is! I LIKE IT...and that is all that counts (speaking for myself, of course). I hope you leave it alone.
sincerely
Al
Esker
Tue, 2011-04-19 14:59
Will not move a brick Nor bolt
inspired by all authors whom loved the magic of their towns
and this write was a break from the earlier themed forty
I was turning from fallow
Thank You
author commentCCfire
Thu, 2011-04-21 02:09
5th line of the first stanza
5th line of the first stanza I'd remove the 'its' as there are 3 preceding it and in that line it feels unnecessary as I read it out loud. Your visuals are always splendid. I enjoyed.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Esker
Thu, 2011-04-21 13:56
absolutely correct
removing it would not affect it any
Or effect it
Thank You CCFire
author commentRace_9togo
Thu, 2011-04-21 21:23
Hey Steve
I had to give myself a shake after reading - as usual you took away all time as I read.
Brittle is right, this needs nothing...except more reading and enjoyment.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo