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Cracked
Cracked
Fraudulent shell unyielding
tough exterior hiding internal bleeding,
frail and fractured.
Fusion of insecurities protected.
Verbal dexterity,
erecting barriers, to ward off feeling.
Splintered shards lacerate
and jab flesh,
droplets of vulnerability.
Prod and poke the meat
abrasions remain eternal,
Pulping organs.
Tough little kernal
Self healing,
Mending each fissure.
Deformed and scarred
but gives impression of
Wellbeing.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
West London
Favorite Poets
Pablo Neruda, Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics
Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2011-06-29 18:31
Simple lines...
to produce a picture of someone about to crack! No crits. Just praise for this one! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Wed, 2011-06-29 19:58
Gee
Thank you my friend.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Mon, 2011-07-04 03:02
Jayne
LOL!!! Won't tell you to piss off , just not sure how I can flesh it out.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Mon, 2011-07-04 03:56
Jayne
i'd be interested to hear your ideas, but I hope you won't be offended if I don't use all of them.
Thank you
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentlou
Mon, 2011-07-04 08:44
Jayne
Jayne,
I've used your idea for the line about internal bleeding. I didn't use your second idea, but it did inspire me to add an extra few words.
Thank you that was helpful.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2011-07-04 11:55
You are a fine poet
and an accomplished wordcafter, you know it.
So I would like to issue you a challenge, which I also issued to Paul tonight.
Write a poem about sheer unadulterated joy, ecstasy of the proportions of epiphany.
This is my way of suggesting you could extend your range and it is a serious challenge. I have tried and believe me it is very, very hard to do.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lou
Mon, 2011-07-04 12:55
Jess
Thank you, ok your on
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentHooded Stranger
Mon, 2011-07-04 13:33
Jess
Jess,
good call, I look forward to the results.
Go for it Lou.
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Mon, 2011-07-04 15:21
Dan
Dan,
remember when we had a similar challenge? My poem was happy right up to the last line, then I decended into Hell LOL!! I'll try not to do that this time.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentHooded Stranger
Mon, 2011-07-04 15:26
Lou
Lou,
yes i remember our challenge well, and yes you were happy all the way through until you fell off into hell on the last line!!
LOL!
Good luck with Jess's challenge, I hope he will also be writing a happy, joyful poem too.
regards,
HS
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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Mon, 2011-07-04 17:44
Jess
My happy poem is here http://new.neopoet.com/node/4877
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2011-07-04 19:22
eeeek! Do I have to write one too?
Oh crap. Really put myself in it there, but can hardly refuse. give me a few days.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lou
Mon, 2011-07-04 21:45
Lol
Yes you do
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
author commentHooded Stranger
Tue, 2011-07-05 03:42
A few days!
A few days! You have until the end of today!...no excuses and detention will be given out for failure to hand in your homework on time.
HS
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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Tue, 2011-07-05 10:04
Dan
LOL\!!!
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
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