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mermaid ghost
falling
ideals
in their beauty
poetry sliding
across the mind
like damp snowflakes
on wet eyelids
cast yourself
on your city shadows
your black temple doorways
the lilting sway
hold my arm
and in your room
you bathe in lights
that speak
and wander
in hurt visions
everylasting
hunger for little
and regard more
how you love the
gaunt saints you
follow in soup kitchen
gathering
your glass repository
resins musks
and ointments
a mystery
a wish
a desire
christmasland enchantment
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
north ontario
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2011-12-08 12:47
Just a couple...
of little crits: Take out the [y] in everlasting, use a comma between resins and musks. That being said, I like the way you use the memory of scent at the last. I remember the old days of Hippie girls and earthy oils . I can still smell Patchouly. ~ Gee
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Esker
Thu, 2011-12-08 14:00
typos so typical
Thanks Gee
and I barely use punctuation but a comma would come in handy
thanks for the comment! I knew those girls
and Love the perfumes
how intimate and personal
delightful meadows
and far flung ridges
the tides of time
rising and falling
in that depth of memory
the sweet and hurtful shores
of Love Lust and tranquility
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2011-12-08 14:23
Yep, definitely growing on me.
Of course the "style" is not my favorite sort of poetry, but your grip of language is remarkable. I think calling the way you turn a phrase "a trick" is not very complimentary nor exactly right, but it's the best way I have of noting it. Like a mobius strip your wording traipses through one side, turns and curls out the other.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Esker
Thu, 2011-12-08 14:53
Thank You for your perspective
Love the magic of poetry
or mystical way it can be resolved
resolution
like mirages
wordmagic is the best!!
Love poetry
love writing
!!!
author commentEsker
Sun, 2011-12-11 16:02
Elder and youth
Hello Beau!
thank you for commenting! I know too your remarkable
talent for prose and writing I am happy to see younger
writers contstructing works this early! it took me till
I was in my forties to really start to craft works that were
palpable and worthy!
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