Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Audi, Bear and Me

Audi is a nice car with its two-dimensional logo.
Compact but still a nice size, it's about simplicity.
From the crest down the east side of the pass
The Kancamagus Trail drops fast.

The hike is a challenge,
Near thirty miles of tarmac
Climbing to 2600 feet at the crest.
A march from the force of strong thighs.

By moonlight and descending east
An Audi raced by with silver reflections.
200 feet up ahead it came to a screeching stop!
It was a brown bear running and as big as that car.

A few moments later and quickly moving by that spot,
Fearfully looking up the slope for it,
What if there were cubs coming from behind?
What if it saw me and turned angry?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Audi, Bear and Me" presents a vivid narrative that intertwines the natural world with human-made objects and experiences. The use of specific details, such as the "two-dimensional logo" of the Audi and the "brown bear running," adds a sense of realism to the poem.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of poetic devices. For instance, the use of metaphors, similes, or personification could enhance the imagery and emotional resonance of the poem. The line "A march from the force of strong thighs" is a good example of this, as it uses metaphor to convey the effort of the hike. More lines like this could strengthen the overall impact of the poem.

The poem also seems to switch between different perspectives and subjects, from the Audi to the Kancamagus Trail to the bear. While this can create an interesting dynamic, it can also make the poem feel disjointed. The poet might consider focusing more on one subject or creating clearer connections between the different elements.

Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. The lines vary greatly in length and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. The poet might consider revising the poem with a more consistent meter in mind. This could help to create a more engaging and rhythmic reading experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hi, Mark,
A very strange story - yet, I bet it's true. Googled the Kancamagus Trail. It looks like stunning country, bears and all. Also looks like a fun place to drive a new Audi in the moonlight. The poem remains open-ended - hope everyone stayed safe!
Thank you,
L

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.