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A Ghost At Host

Submitted by Rula on Thu, 2024-10-17 11:01

It all took place in a quiet room
A newlywed bride and her groom,
A lamia showed up at that night,
A bad time and fearsome site.

The fury stirred up and messed the place.
It carve much grief on everyone's face;
The bodies, ripped off, blew the air,
The blood had splattered everywhere.

It stained their young and quiet dreams.
With endless mourns and awful screams.
The cops, who searched, no clue they'd find
The vampire left no grounds behind.

No owl to know when, or why
Or what's the aim or who's the guy.
The newlyweds were badly maimed
At least that's what the media claimed.

The bodies shattered, but not the souls.
They both, united in soleful ghost.
With flappy limbs and empty skeleton,
The ghost set out, up to Wiltton.

It lived a while in restless mood.
Before starting a revenge, so crude.
Whenever darkness wore the skies,
Be sure to hear the ghost's loud cries.

I'M BACK FOR MORE... I'M BACK FOR MORE

The ghost then chased every home.
At night, be sure it's up to roam.
The knocking comes so hard and near.
Then all would freeze with too much fear.

You'd hear him scratch and knock the door.
So Watch Him out, or you'd get a gore!
You'd now and then hear whispers about
The shattered bodies and awful shouts.

It's blowing outside! The winds shall lead
To another host with lots of greed;
The ego once is lost, is looking to double
The innocents that buried, under rubble

Revenge is still its at most goal.
"Be it tonight or not at all."

I'm BACK FOR MORE... I'mBACK FOR More

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
10/24 Horror Story
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Thu, 2024-10-17 17:01

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem employs a narrative style, telling a story of a ghost seeking revenge. The use of rhyme and rhythm is consistent throughout the piece, contributing to the overall mood and tone. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the narrative could benefit from more clarity. While the general plot of a ghost seeking revenge is clear, the specifics are somewhat muddled. For instance, it's not clear why the ghost is seeking revenge or who specifically it is targeting. Providing more details or context could help to make the narrative more engaging and compelling.

Secondly, the use of language and imagery could be more precise. There are instances where the choice of words or phrases seems somewhat awkward or forced, likely in an attempt to maintain the rhyme scheme. For instance, the line "They both, united in soleful ghost" is a bit confusing. It's not clear what "soleful" means in this context.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many of the lines follow a similar pattern, which can make the poem feel monotonous after a while. Varying the sentence structure could help to keep the reader's interest and add more dynamism to the poem.

In terms of strengths, the poem does a good job of creating a spooky, ominous atmosphere. The repeated line "I'M BACK FOR MORE... I'M BACK FOR MORE" is particularly effective in this regard, adding a sense of foreboding and suspense. The poem also makes good use of sensory details, such as the sounds of the ghost's cries and the knocking on the door, to make the story more vivid and engaging.

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