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Lost Instructions...
It seems to me, they were right here,
but now, they have gone away.
I put them down to finish my beer,
I didn't expect them to stray.
I'm at the point where I need them now,
there's parts that I do not know.
I just can't figure it out somehow,
where did those blankers go?
It never fails, I lose them when,
less important things are done.
I'm distracted for a moment, then,
yes, they've gone on the run.
They'll turn up, my wife, she says,
take a breather, why don't you?
I'm afraid, it might take days
and after I am through.
I know she's right, they will turn up,
but it bothers me no end.
There's parts left here, in this cup,
I might make mistakes, my friend.
So, I'll look once more, just a bit...
for they must be right here.
Oh, I see them from where I sit
stuck on the bottom of my beer!
The print is faded, smudged it is,
I am glad for the lost instructions
the picture shows, it goes like this
now, on to more construction.
~ Geez.
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Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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New York State - USA
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Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-08-03 21:21
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Lost Instructions..." effectively uses a narrative style to depict a common, relatable situation. The use of rhyme and rhythm contributes to the overall flow and readability of the poem. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
1. Consistency in Rhyme Scheme: The poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas, but this pattern is not consistently maintained throughout the poem. Ensuring a consistent rhyme scheme can enhance the rhythm and musicality of the poem.
2. Use of Language: The poem uses colloquial language, which helps to create a conversational tone. However, the use of the term "blankers" in the second stanza might be unclear to some readers. Ensuring clarity in language can help to make the poem more accessible to a wider audience.
3. Imagery and Metaphor: The poem could benefit from the use of more vivid imagery or metaphor to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. For example, the "parts left here, in this cup" could be described in more detail to create a stronger image in the reader's mind.
4. Punctuation: The poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, the comma in the line "I'm afraid, it might take days" seems unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the poem.
5. Conclusion: The ending of the poem provides a resolution to the narrative, but it could be made more impactful. The discovery of the instructions "stuck on the bottom of my beer" could be described in a way that provides a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-03 15:34
Dear Geezer,
Beer is like that, concealing small items! It is insidious. I much enjoyed your contribution to the contest. well written for a simple understanding.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Sat, 2024-08-03 22:35
Yeah...
I never thought that this would be a great poem, but I did imagine that I could write something that would resonate with most people who have ever tried to put something together. I guess I have succeeded. Thank you, ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Sat, 2024-08-03 18:40
Lost Instructions...
Hello, Geezer.
Excellent! Those blankers do have a way of running off...
Enjoyed!
Thank you!
L
Geezer
Sat, 2024-08-03 22:41
I'm glad...
glad that you enjoyed this one. My wife and I have put quite a few things together over the years, and we have found the instructions to be of great value. Sometimes, we have temporarily misplaced them, but they always turn up. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRula
Sun, 2024-08-04 13:33
Awsome
I usually don't like to strictly follow the rules, though they often make life way easier.
My mentor told me once we should know the rules before breaking them, which I believe is very true.
An enjoyable read!
Thank you for sharing.
The line
"There's parts left here....
Did you want "part"?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Geezer
Sun, 2024-08-04 13:51
No, part[s]...
because there are usually nuts, bolts, washers or some other type of fastener, maybe some springs? ~ Anyway, glad that you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentClentin
Mon, 2024-08-12 14:24
Good poem. All of us have
Good poem. All of us have lost instructions from time to time. Even when we find them they still seemed a bit lost!
Geezer
Tue, 2024-08-13 01:26
Thank you...
for the read and comment. Yes, I thought you might enjoy this one. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
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