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The Sea Of Tranquility
As Father Time pens his last words
The winds of change are crying to the night
They mourn the loss
Another year
A year when peace did not come
Hunger and death still abounds
Sadness blankets the world
You hear them moaning
Why must this be
Where lies the Sea of Tranquility
When will mankind learn
To live as one and end what
Was so thoughtlessly begun
Their egos and money
Have corrupted this life
Will a time ever come
When a flag is unfurled
Denoting the unity of one world
Father time dips his pen
One last time
Then closes the tome
What he has written
Will never be known
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Happy New Year to all, may it bring health, safety and prosperity( in whatever form) to you
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2010-12-31 22:41
Dear Chrys...
very expressive of your inner thoughts as one often ponders about when will peace truly be experienced on this planet....the title is very good and it made a good read....you might want to correct the spelling in the third verse from "here" to "hear"
the following lines echoe my thoughts too...
When a flag is unfurled
Denoting the unity of one world
warmly..
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Sat, 2011-01-01 13:48
Dear Chrys
i am surprised that you are not able to correct it .....i dont know via which route you edit...try using the edit button at top of your home page...i tweaked my writes that way on several ocassions..
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:56
Chrys..
never mind...as is said "age is just a number"...LOL...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Eduardo Cruz
Sat, 2011-01-01 03:28
Chrys
so perfect an apropos for the New Year, the ironic thing is that man seems not to learn that the earth does self correct.
I loved this write by you!
if you get a chance read my poem 'Artificial"
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
ziggy
Sat, 2011-01-01 13:37
hi again
hi there I like this as it is 'in the moment '
and the title that's other worldly,
' another year that peace did not come
hunger and death still abounds
sadness blankets the world '
that I like indeed, good though behind this
well put together ,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
magics02
Sun, 2011-01-02 16:44
Just loved this one
Chrys
An excellent write with much thought and meaning to it. I really like what you did with Father Time and the unknown
Blessings to you and the family in the New Year ahead
Love Mona
scribbler
Sun, 2011-01-02 17:54
sea
I was beginning to wonder if you'd given up on us lol.So good to see you back .I also liked the idea of father time writing the world's story.You did such a good job vocalizing the yearning for a change in human behavior that I hesitate to suggest any changes. But I will anyway as I know you would accord me the same respect lol
L-4 try : of another year
L-5 change "that" to when
L-6 abounds should be abound, I think
L-13 change "they" to was
L-30 tell stan to keep his hands off your poem..............................scribbler PS how are you and yours doing?
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-02-02 11:34
Dear Chrys,
I'm with Stan on this one. The imagery of Father Time writing our story is brilliant! I don't know how I missed this piece... I love it. My favorite lines:
Their egos and money
Have corrupted this life
Will a time ever come
When a flag is unfurled
Denoting the unity of one world
Father time dips his pen
One last time
Then closes the tome
What he has written
Will never be known
the last lines are superb!
Love, Cat
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