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A Poet At Work
My pen is dancing
the mind is working
ideas are pouring
the heart is singing
Imagery flowing
the logic is crafting
visions in fantasy
gives birth to beauty
words flowing, blooming
emotion growing, exploding
the universe is calling
this poet is replying
the writer's block returning
progress facing its enemy
the frustration is building
but surrender is not for me
thus this humble poem is written
in one of life's quietest moments.....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
redbaronj
Sun, 2014-02-23 11:06
Very nice!
You have definitely captured the poet in motion! The title captures the essence of the poem. Your language use was very good. The rhythm etc. was nicely done. The whole poem is very good.
alidzain
Sun, 2014-02-23 11:15
Thanks
for the visit and the comments..;0)
Alid
Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth
raj
Sun, 2014-02-23 12:36
Alid
This is a very expressive poem...well done friend...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2014-02-23 12:49
Khalid
I can see you're working well with your meter. This shows a true improvement. Do you recognize it?
A nice theme too.
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alidzain
Sun, 2014-02-23 13:04
Hi Rula
the truth is, I don't even think about the meter in this. I'm just trying to use some of the styles I've seen from some of our friends' works and combine it with what I want to say. Perhaps you can tell me what it is so that I can improve further.
Alid
Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth
Rula
Sun, 2014-02-23 14:10
My pen| is danc|ing
My pen| is danc| ing
the mind | is work| ing
ide|as are pour| ing
the heart | is sing| ing
If you look at this first stanza you can notice how each line "almost" consists of one unstressed syllable and one stressed syllable(which makes a feet + one unstressed syllable). This is called iambic meter. You have followed this pattern in almost every line which makes a smooth read.
Can you find where you "haven't" followed this same pattern?
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raj
Sun, 2014-02-23 13:52
Thanks Rula
you have so nicely explained what lambic meter is, which i wasn't aware of.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Mon, 2014-02-24 02:27
Hi Rula
could it be this one?
the writer's block returning
progress facing its enemy
the frustration is building
but surrender is not for me
Alid
wesley snow
Sun, 2014-02-23 14:04
Now this is more like it.
A dancing use of repetition and a clean meter to couch it.
This is the only line whose meter is troubled. Look at the rest and help it conform. A small poem with a consistent meter needs to be consistent throughout. A small slip can cripple an otherwise delightful poem.
"progress facing its enemy"
Do not fear the "block". Some of my best stuff came out of it. Know that the quality of poetry in those poems you fight with will be the same as those that write themselves. Sometimes we must struggle, sometimes we coast. Do me a favor though, don't write about writer's block anymore. You don't have the block... I magically remove it from you. Just because it's hard to write doesn't mean you are not producing.
Now, go and "block" no more.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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alidzain
Mon, 2014-02-24 02:22
Noted,
truth is I didn't write about the writer's block part when I first started to write this piece but I thought that it is too short so I put it in. What if I do away with that stanza and leave the rest as it is?What do you think?
Alid
Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth...
weirdelf
Sun, 2014-02-23 21:43
Rules are for breaking
but one rule, there for a very good reason, is to try to avoid over-use of -ing as a rhyme and sound theme.
See what you think of the reading
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/audio-recording-on-monday-1
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
alidzain
Mon, 2014-02-24 02:29
i'll try
to follow your suggestion, Jess.but I don't know if it works out on this piece..the meter might go crazy if I did,,
Alid