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Desire to hold
Well, let me hold you!
We have many things to hold
what all you want to hold
just let me know
when you yourself are held,
no one will let you go
without breaking a weld
so hold on
I shall await
a message from you
till then I shall hold on
my prettiest one on to you!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
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Sat, 2014-05-10 21:34
Really strange
OK this one just leaves my mind in a knot. Please don't interpret that as negative.
I think it was just how you put the words together. To me there is no flow in the words. It's like one wall after another. I get the feel that the idea is constantly changing in the mind of the narrator. But who knows I could be wrong.
I get what the poem is trying to say but it becomes a little confusing. However, the piece itself feels like the early stage of an idea or a certain emotion. It's like when you have an epiphany. You completely understand it in your head, but you don't quite have all the words to describe what is going on.
I hope I got something right. If not, then please excuse my mad ramble and give me your take.
Not often that my mind gets all up in a knot. But there is something good about this one, and I liked it very much.
loved
Sun, 2014-05-11 01:04
each one has ones own take
a poet can't keep 7.5 billion within reach
Thanks for your brief
I think you have never read me
loved
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-05-15 07:30
Let me put this in prose
Well, let me hold you! We have many things to hold what all you want to hold just let me know when you yourself are held, no one will let you go without breaking a weld so hold on I shall await a message from you till then I shall hold on my prettiest one on to you! Well, let me hold you! We have many things to hold what all you want to hold just let me know when you yourself are held, no one will let you go without breaking a weld so hold on I shall await a message from you till then I shall hold on my prettiest one on to you!
It is prose, not poetry.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Thu, 2014-05-15 11:45
at times
prose is more beautiful than poetry
as you have so thoughtfully put it
that's why I call myself
'''prosaic ....''''
poetry praise
and
prose erase
and vice verse ..(a)
as you do it now Jess..
It marvels my dwarfed mind
how after a long time
to read my junk
time you could find
loved
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-05-15 13:14
prosaic means
1. Consisting or characteristic of prose.
b. Matter-of-fact; straightforward.
2. Lacking in imagination and spirit; dull.
Not poetry.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Thu, 2014-05-15 15:40
but your poetic prose
was just so beautiful
we will not split hairs
as I am nearly bald
my age bars me to accept
a challenge
loved