Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
My Whore is Better
my whore is better than your whore
just ask as many men as you can see
my whore was their whore long before
my little whore was just my whore and me
I knew it the first time we met
my whore was, simply put, the very best
the way she moved, the way she dressed
without a doubt a slut above the rest
so I put my whore on parade
got her all dolled up for the party scene
and reveled in my dance with fame
me a walking arm in arm with my queen
should you still need to be convinced
well, just allow my whore another chance
because my whore will fuck your whore
and leave you with just your hand on your lance
we would shake that trailer night after night
'fore she would move on to the next big "thing"
still, I had me one helluva good time
although she did leave me with quite a little sting
Comments
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-07-28 14:13
This was well written
All I can say is what!!! Lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-08-05 07:11
Barbara
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. I hope you got a kick it of it. Appreciate the comment about it being well written.
Scott
Scott
scribbler
Mon, 2014-07-28 17:33
hello
Got a few ideas but not enough time lol. I'll return............stan
themoonman
Tue, 2014-07-29 05:58
lol, I don't know,
I've met some good uns ...
thanks for the laugh this morning,
Richard
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-08-05 07:12
Richard
You are most welcome, sir. Thanks for stopping by.
Scott
Scott
Ian.T
Wed, 2014-07-30 18:44
8men
Damn it man you are asking a lot if we disagree with you, then you will want a list of names and places so I will jut agree with you LOL, good cheeky write.
By the way how much would you bet on this point you so well wrote about,
Yours, Sparrow
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-08-05 07:15
Thanks Ian
For the compliment and the banter. I wouldn't ask for names. The poem was actually intended to open some eyes to the fact that she wasn't that bad and to bring a little levity to it.
Scott
Scott
scribbler
Wed, 2014-07-30 23:04
okeydokey
stanza 1 line 3 mine was their whore long before
S-3, l-1 so I put her on parade
These suggestions are made to decrease the use of the word "whore". If used too much it loses impact.
Hope your "sting" didn't affect your stinger permanently lol............stan
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-07-30 23:25
Lol
Lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-08-05 07:22
Stan
Thanks for the suggestions. S1 l3 would mess with the meter. I know you want to take the word whore out, but it is in there so many times for a reason, several actually.
I wrote the original poem when I was on another site (learned how to make it better here). Got tired of reading about break ups and how horrible they were. What made their cheating whore any different than the ones the rest of us encountered. So I put the word whore in there often to trivialize it. I also used it a lot to help create a "sing song"effect.
Thanks
Scott
Scott
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-08-05 07:24
Being a"tongue in cheek"
Being a"tongue in cheek" write, my stinger was never in any real danger. Lol
Scott
eightmenout
Sat, 2014-09-06 22:32
.that is very kind of you to
.that is very kind of you to say
Scott