Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Southern Door (Feb Contest)
Close it!
Don't let it open.
I don't want to leave here
where peace resides.
The darkness here is bliss,
the gentle beat of the heart,
the sweetest lullaby.
The warmth here signifies life.
I know I won't stay here forever
A time will come for me to leave
when my body is complete
and I'm too big to stay but..
let it be a whole nine months
before the southern door is wide open
and I leave to meet the world
with all of its beauty and ugliness.
For now let me be here,
embracing peace.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Wed, 2015-02-11 12:57
Salam Khalid
There is a clever thought here. I really like it.
Wish you the best.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
alidzain
Wed, 2015-02-11 13:02
Salam, Rula
thank you or the visit and the comments.
Alid
raj
Wed, 2015-02-11 13:05
Hi Alid
Well done Alid. In a way it is like a tribute to Mothers who provide the most secure place for the fetus to grow till it is ready to face the world...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Wed, 2015-02-11 13:12
Hi Raj
Thanks for the visit and the comment. Its a plea to mothers not to abort their babies as well even though the pregnancy is not they wanted as for examples the one from rapes.
Alid
raj
Wed, 2015-02-11 13:14
Alid
I had missed on that ...now that you have explained it makes more sense...shows your sensitivities..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Fri, 2015-02-13 13:23
I so thought that I had commented on this Alid
a unique concept
i really like it
and you have given me an idea for a write - thank you
best of luck in the contest
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Fri, 2015-02-13 13:31
Alid
You would soon see what happens when you plant a seed in a fertile land...you have just done that...let us wait and watch for the seedling to germinate in some fertile mind Down Under :)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Fri, 2015-02-13 14:00
Raj
;D
Alid
alidzain
Fri, 2015-02-13 13:59
ah, judy
now that's good to know. Thanks for the visit and the comments. You're most welcome.
Alid
scribbler
Mon, 2015-02-23 23:00
Hi Alid
And why not see this as a door? I'd never have thought of this lol. Thanks for entering......stan
alidzain
Tue, 2015-02-24 03:35
lol
Glad that you liked it, Stan. I was trying to think out of the box and it just popped into my mind.
Alid
mand
Tue, 2015-02-24 01:38
Hellooo Alid
Clever and unique - I like it, I think my son felt like that. Lol
Well done Alid - hope all goes well in the contest.
Love Mand xxx
alidzain
Tue, 2015-02-24 03:39
Hi Mand
Thanks for the compliments.
Alid