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Be Your Poetry (Hiding in Metaphor) # 4
Be the character
you want to be,
let your words
speak out loudly,
chant with rhythms
your melody
with rhyming verses
or of rhyme's free,
be yourself
be your poetry.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I hoped here the pun with the word "character" works to represent both "a written symbol" and "a characteristic property that defines the apparent individual nature"
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
raj
Sun, 2015-09-27 14:41
Posting again my comment
Posting again my comment since when I did it earlier, I got a rejoinder message "Access Denied"
hmmmm..trying to figure out the connection of the "Last Few Words" with the poem...i wished there was a better alternative softer word to "character" ...besides Character could also mean a role played of someone which is not representative of him/her playing it...just my perception and no more..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:08
Thank you raj
I wanted the words "character" as a written symbol to work together with "words", "verses" and "poetry" to make up the thematic unity that I wanted.
I also wanted the word character to refer to one's identity. Does this now make any sense?
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raj
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:13
ummmmm may be yes, yet think
ummmmm may be yes, yet think about choosing a softer alternative which also captures what you mean is just a suggestion...look for synonyms may be...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:24
mmmm
But I can't think of one word that conveys the two meanings. Do you have the alternative raj. Hint hint.
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raj
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:40
Another take..
Just a Hint..
Live the dream
sing the melody
of an unsung song
letting the verses dance
to the rhythm of the beats
in poetic motion
Be the poem
your heart seeks
Be the poem
you breathe
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:43
and a good
Take also of almost the same metaphorical theme.
Your thoughts are always highly appreciated raj.
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raj
Sun, 2015-09-27 15:46
it was just a suggestive
it was just a suggestive attempt and no more...nothing to take away the beauty of the theme of your poem Rula...
raj (sublime_ocean)