Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Reawakening
Hanging to a thread of sanity,
my heart was a broken glass,
leaking dreams of yesterday,
betrayed by fake friendship,
the noose around my neck.
I'm the shadow of my old self,
pierced by rays of harsh truth,
fading away into oblivion
along with the purpose of life
I once held.
I was falling apart,
a soul shredded,
discarded away from the memory
of the one I've lived for,
dying inside as I screamed
and wept a thousand tears.
Then I saw you,
your innocence is your radiance,
touching me,
saving me from the arms of despair.
My wounds were healed
by your presence,
You helped to make me whole again
and I felt the warmth of life,
seeping into me
like never before.
I thought it is over
when love had gone astray.
Now I know better.
It takes faith for a miracle
to come my way.
Comments
Keith Logan
Fri, 2016-04-29 13:52
One man's bread
is another man's miracle. When I ran an electronics workshop the motto I had posted on the wall was "The impossible we do right away, miracles take a little longer." As to the poem, it is well written but as for the content, no I can't believe that hanging one's own confidence and self respect on the shoulders of another is ever a good idea.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
alidzain
Fri, 2016-04-29 14:39
Hi Keith
Did I potray it that way? hmmm. This poem is about someone who was betrayed by his lover and fell into depression before someone help to recover from the experience. Totally fiction of course.lol. Any suggestions where I can improve in this poem, bro? I need help now and then as I usually write in Malay nowadays, not English.
Alid
Keith Logan
Sat, 2016-04-30 04:52
You made me whole again
maybe,
You helped to make me whole again
This returns the resposibility to yourself.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
alidzain
Sat, 2016-04-30 17:00
Hi Keith
Thanks for the suggestion, man!
Alid
scribbler
Sat, 2016-04-30 07:31
Hi Alid
As Kieth has illustrated this can be taken at least two ways. I took it as seeing a New girlfriend after being betrayed by the old one. I thinks it's a sign of good writing when a poem can be interpreted many different ways. I also noticed you used free verse in all but the last stanza. I assume you changed to reinforce the change in thought. If you want to reinforce it even more strongly you could used an ABAB rhyme pattern there. But you might want to leave it as is if you want to be gentler in your reinforcement. Enjoyed the read..........stan
alidzain
Sat, 2016-04-30 17:01
Stan
Thanks for the visit, the read and the comment. (Smiling)
Alid
Rula
Sat, 2016-04-30 23:15
Salam brother
Well written!
I like it all, but maybe another title might work better to fit the piece? Don't know
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
alidzain
Sun, 2016-05-01 16:14
Salam, Rula
Not sure what other title name that will fit. Any ideas?
Alid
Keith Logan
Tue, 2016-05-03 04:12
A Healing
Rebirth
New hopes
Awakening
Reawakening
something along those lines should fit.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines