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Senryu Heavenly Blessings
Droplets of rain fall,
the dry earth embrace blessings
freed from gripping thirst.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Trying to practice my senryu. Not sure if the title is okay. At first I thought "Blessings From Above." Tell me what you think.
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Wed, 2016-06-08 05:28
Hi Alid
Very nice imagery - lovely sentry u.
alidzain
Wed, 2016-06-08 12:35
Mand
Thanks for dropping by. Hope all is well with your family.
Alid
jane210660
Wed, 2016-06-08 13:19
I just looked up Senryu, as I
I just looked up Senryu, as I had a feeling it would be a form of poetry, but I wasn't sure.
Without adhering to the form, this is a lovely poem, I am in awe when poets can work to strict form and make it look as though there were no constraints. Jx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
alidzain
Wed, 2016-06-08 14:15
lol
we are in awe of each other then.
Alid
Sparrow
Thu, 2016-06-09 04:18
Alid,
A Senryu would seem to be an easy thing to do, three lines and a syllable count.
This one is good now there is a contest on this month that will stretch your ability have a go you should find it a challenge..
Yours, Ian.
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
alidzain
Thu, 2016-06-09 12:30
Lol. not true
its not always easy if you have restricted syllable counts. I am thinking of joining the contest but I need to find the time for it. It's the fasting month and its quite busy here.
Alid
jane210660
Thu, 2016-06-09 13:22
Is that why you were up at
Is that why you were up at 2am the other day?
Routines must be topsy turvy at the moment, especially as it isn't so far in. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
alidzain
Thu, 2016-06-09 15:21
jane
its just that I can't sleep or I'm feeling restless. Sometimes its family duties like looking after mum for the whole night, like that. My sleeping time has not been consistent. It's like I'm tired but my mind is at work, work,work and so I try to do something like reading or writing poetry. I'm in the malay poets group so I write mostly in Malay and a little bit of English now and then.
Alid
Sparrow
Thu, 2016-06-09 19:13
Alid
Seeing that you cannot eat twix sunrise and sunset I think a poem on it's effects on your ways would be good,
Take care young man, Yours Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
alidzain
Thu, 2016-06-09 23:49
lol
We shall see, but I don't think it will be one of those poems. I do have a few ideas but like I said, its the time I need to find to try to put them into the format before I choose which is the best.
Alid
jane210660
Thu, 2016-06-09 15:43
Thanks for telling me.
Thanks for telling me.
I wish you a restful night tonight. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Esker
Fri, 2016-06-10 04:50
I like this one a lot Alidzain
nothing like that arid tension
we here or I here on my land
we get much rain..or enough
blessings like rain
and the last line was a
beaut!
thank U!