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Lady in Waiting
A thousand years ago and more
upon a strange and distant shore
a maiden wept.
She watched and waited long in vain
within her heart a mounting pain,
she seldom slept.
O that my love might come to me
she cried her silent, doleful plea,
a stifled moan.
The sun would rise, the sun would set,
and still the lovers never met,
she stood alone.
Then hove a sail in view one dawn
as seabirds sang in tuneful song
to welcome home,
the one whose heart ached for the maid
with fortune won, his plans were laid,
no more to roam.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2017-01-10 03:07
Absolutely beautiful
The line
'Then hove a sail in view one dawn'
would read better as
'A sail then hove....'
Just a thought
Thanks for sharing.
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Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-01-10 20:07
Thank you Rula
Your suggestion is fair but the way I chose to frame it is deliberately more archaic language, which I hope emphasizes the subject matter more.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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Geezer
Thu, 2017-01-12 08:01
As a rhymer...
I was impressed by this poem. I like the archaic language and it reads like one of the old bards, which I am sure provided the inspiration. Nice work! ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Keith Logan
Tue, 2017-01-17 05:11
I'm afraid
I'm not as familiar with Shakespeare as I probably should be. I read mainly children's poetry, RLS is probably my favourite poet. As a Scot, I also have a great fondness for Burns. I'll admit to trying to write with different voices but never consciously copying any particular author's style. If I was to ever try to emulate someone I admire, Kipling would be first choice.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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Esker
Wed, 2017-01-18 10:31
i loved the feminists..cleaopatra and joan of arc
cruella de ville had more chutzpah..
the old ideal of the woman driving a boat
to her man is sweet
in my recollections
they did drive to me
made me happy
but i got more for driving to them
as did shakespeare who wrote to
the political power base
then non voting children
whom grow to adults
and decide our old ass fates
I am of Scot genes
red heads...prolly vikings
crafting queens for kings
and wives for combatants
mothers for stock enlarging
the expansion..then
three of my women almost
died close....ambulance
rides...
lost four parents birth
adopted
not all nice
yet life sustains itself
we keep going and those
whom lost their partners
seek us
the team ideal works
Kipling was a great imaginist
i eventually faced growing
up and growing old
wendy will never living
in never never land
i dream of her now
and then...
a great reverie Keith
keep whats close
and treasured
Mr wolf!
Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-01-18 14:49
I also
like feminists, true feminists (which I hope I am) like my sister who says that to have equality with men would mean having to forego their natural superiority.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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Esker
Wed, 2017-01-18 17:12
ha ha ha...
they know how to corner..well..
cleopatra had marc antoinee
joan of arc had god
napolean had josephine
they just know
fave cartoon..new yorker
still read this magazine
when i go library to lounge
always some beautiful intell girls
wearing glasses
about
love the new yorker cartoons
convertible....older couple
behind them is lovers leap
a man is jumping off
wife with bandana or kerchief
turns to her fedora driving hubby
'U never felt that way about me'
still cracks me up to this day
thinking about it....
might be the mans world still
but the women know
for all their gramma munchine
wolf buddies
and bell ringers
each des know her quasi
qauntum
.
thank U Keith!
(and brilliant sis)
Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-01-18 17:32
Barmaid asks man crying into his beer
What's wrong?
Reply, my wife, she understands me!
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Esker
Wed, 2017-01-18 18:22
ha oh thats a good one!
yes they do...
the keepers that is..
thank u keith