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MY LOVE (first poem)
My love is like a clear spring day
whose golden sunbeams go their way
then suddenly explode in dew
to sparkle once again like new
Like spotting a quail upon the ground
her young ones following around
with a tiny chirping sound
this bird not sure just where she's bound.
Or spying a small calf just born
a frolicking this sunny morn
crying out with joyful bleat
while running 'round on tireless feet.
And looking at a tall pine tree
whose limbs reach toward being free
Heavenward its substance towers
while shouting out about god's powers.
My love is like a budding tree
i hope she feels the same toward me
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
OK this is the first poem i ever wrote about 45 years ago to Susan who was my high school sweetheart and is still married to me. Now, this poem was packed away during recent move so I posted this from memory. i'm pretty sure memory failed in stanza 4 but I'm also pretty sure the rest is close to exact. I wrote this in 1972 then promptly wrote my next poem in 2008 lol
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Keith Logan
Mon, 2017-06-26 00:55
Could this be
inspired by the famous My Love Has Got A Red Red Nose, That whistles out of tune?
Whatever, it is an excellent poem especially so for a first write.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-17 14:26
Naw
But it Was inspired by "My Love Is Like A Red Red Rose"
jane210660
Mon, 2017-06-26 04:52
I wish
I inspired such verse.
Interesting to see where you started from and where you are now. There are visible traits of your work nowadays here, but so much less polished. Not surprising really.
A lovely first poem.
Jx
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scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-17 14:27
Thank you
This was written while a junior in high school. I guess we all carry traces of how we began.....stan
weirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-27 09:30
oh wow,
even more that the poem "45 years ago to Susan who was my high school sweetheart and is still married to me" it so incredible.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 10:19
Just shows
the power of the written word lol. And it amazes me even more than it does you that she has put up with me this long. My newest strategy is to never quite get our new house finished, That way she'll Have to keep me around lol
weirdelf
Mon, 2017-07-03 05:02
In 40 years of relationships and dating the longest was 5 years.
I am glad to be a bachelor now, too selfish to accommodate another person in my house.
The only drawback is no partner to check lumps and blemishes and nag one into seeing a doctor. That's the reason married men live longer.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-17 14:29
oh
I thought we lived longer as punishment.............even though joking I'd best not let Susan see this lol
Candlewitch
Tue, 2017-06-27 11:43
dear Stan,
I am really impressed with the strength and power of your memory! this piece is really good, and I can see the roots of your present workings here. today: June 27th 2017 is Steven and my 35th wedding anniversary! marrying him was the best thing I have ever done.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
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jane210660
Tue, 2017-06-27 11:49
Happy Anniversary
Lovely lady.
And many more to look forward to
Jxxx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2017-06-27 11:54
:)
thank you Jane!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 12:57
Hi Cat
What were we talking about ? lol. So much for my memory. I'll eventually dig out either the written copy of this or the carved in wood version which Susan's parents had done. Then we'll see how my memory really is. This coming Aug. 3rd Susan and I will be married for 43 years..............stan
Candlewitch
Tue, 2017-06-27 13:00
congratulations,
on so many wonderful years together :)
*hugs, Cat
and "hello" to Susan!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 18:31
Thank
you
scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-17 14:31
Ah
Newly weds. Congrats and I hope ya'll have many more...and I wish spell check would stop labeling "ya'll" a misspell lol