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Its an Age thing (Sunku)
I am
Late next month
Seventy six
My thoughts
Clouded some
What, who, or when.
I did
Please tell me
Things I have done
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Irene, was on about Birthdays some place.
While the cats away the mice will play lol
Have a great day Ya'all..
Editing stage:
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Comments
IRiz
Mon, 2018-02-26 21:59
The one
The one
Who was born
In early spring
The one
Who does not
Remember a thing
Is still
My dear
Poet friend
IRiz
Sparrow
Tue, 2018-02-27 03:55
Irene
As Jess said the silly bulls were not good, well that's Bulls for you lol.
You go sort your studies out, Jess said he would look after the workshop for you.
See you in a couple of weeks,
Take care
Yours Ian.x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
IRiz
Tue, 2018-02-27 08:36
Ready to take off
Ready to take off
IRiz
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-02-26 22:53
Syllable count way off, but great
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1CHzbtnOGXt
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Sparrow
Tue, 2018-02-27 03:57
Jess
will sort out the Bovine mistakes, it was getting late and this ole guy needs more sleep.
Thanks for your read and comment they mean a lot,
Yours Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
valene
Tue, 2018-02-27 10:31
i've no idea about the sillybulls
but it flows delightfully, and makes complete sense!
Best wishes
val.
weirdelf
Tue, 2018-02-27 12:29
willful ignorance.
You even managed to build in an insult. You know what syllables are. You are no better than Crud.
Fuck off.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
valene
Tue, 2018-02-27 12:41
and does not this kind of behaviour of yours
put a halogen bulb behind Mr Crud's evaluation of you?
shame on you, little man.
Best wishes
val x
valene
Tue, 2018-02-27 12:54
my apologies Sparrow
my review was not the least insulting as the little man suggests.
i thought it well thought, and my reference to the syllable count was my ignorance of the sunku form. i'm well aware of what a syllable is. far more than some know what manners are, it would appear.
Best wishes
val x