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Peaceful World
Peaceful World ((((new title)))
It is cold
very cold
freezing temperatures
a mild drizzle
yet unmindful she stands silently
like a statue under the isolated tree
all about her come and see
why such depth of silence
they wonder who is she
so very sweet and lovely
fine
a veritable Divine
her eyes don’t blink
statue stark into the daylight distant
rare vision
no one knows where she is looking
yet her mission is just to draw
a large searching crowd
who will come and see
where she is looking
Blank
into the distant horizon
wilderness
mind totally blissfully absent
all come and shed a tear
many say smile
O dear
she has a silent demeanour
yet she conveys
why this War and trouble
Give Peace a chance
a tear trickles
then ups her umbrella
mission complete
it snows now nonstop
has conveyed her message
give a chance to PEACE
Let all live like friends
kith and kin
then moves out to the distance
so obscure
So all sing and say as a single voice
pray
Give Peace a chance you may.
Comments
raj
Mon, 2018-08-20 15:00
Hi Lovedly
this could be rated as one of your better poems written more seriously creating good imagery of a statue and reading her mind as too of those who watch her....
i think the two lines "then ups her umbrella, mission complete" take a bit away also because how can a statue lift an umbrella? of course that is my thought....
.....................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Tue, 2018-08-21 13:22
the statue you thought was an actual '' she''
standing in the cold wind
lifeless
trying to give a message
thanks grateful sincere effort
Eumolpus
Mon, 2018-08-20 16:03
if I'm not mistaken
the "she" is you in the poem. N'est pas?
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Eumolpus
Tue, 2018-08-21 13:50
I thought maybe, but
kept coming back to this line:
like a statue under the isolated tree
So thinking she could not be both "like a statute" and a real statue, I chose the other possibility, which also kinda works.
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
lovedly
Tue, 2018-08-21 15:59
thanks eumol
the girl is actual
but her inner heart is distraught
they posted her picture
and asked me
what I thought
Before I inform them of my inner feelings ...I posted it here to get visions from great neopoets like you thanks a mighty
glad u came twice
may be again you will
kindly
scribbler
Tue, 2018-08-21 17:09
Hi loved
Like a hunter she awaits her prey which is ever elusive peace.Then the spell broken she moves to shelter herself from the storm. This is among your best I think.Hmmmm.... "is fine"....I think I'd delete "is". I am glad you wrote this..........stan
lovedly
Tue, 2018-08-21 21:47
so much of broad kindness I 'd deleted is
stan
am glad you came by
Sparrow
Wed, 2018-08-22 04:12
Loved
Well written young Bard hope to read more of these as you begin to see that there in a stubbornness is a poet of great tasks..
Yours as always Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
lovedly
Wed, 2018-08-22 15:14
that you still instil
stubbornness
its IAN's will
I do abide
but only at times
bard thanks
Roscoe Lane
Thu, 2018-08-23 06:41
If only,
If only people would follow her lead, a better world we'd see. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
lovedly
Thu, 2018-08-23 14:26
regards and thanks Roscoe
long time no see
IRiz
Fri, 2018-08-24 13:42
I like the poem
thank you for directing me here, it is a interesting poem indeed.
I feel a bit confused but that is me, I am not good to read between the lines
IRiz
lovedly
Fri, 2018-08-24 17:29
take a sabbatical
confusion will go
This was a Challenge poem
of a snap of a girl alive
trying to pass a bold lesson
LET'S ALL
LIVE IN PEACE
Glad you liked it
though differently
thanks Irene
now I have decided to compose abstract poetry
IRiz
Fri, 2018-08-24 17:47
Good luck
Good luck
IRiz