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Autumn Equinox
Every leaving
Is a coming
Summer ends
And we mourn
No longer laying
Beneath the fiery stars
On our backs
But orange and yellow
Stars are now falling
On our heads
When the world
Sheds its skin
A new adventure
Begins
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Shadowdancer3349
Tue, 2018-09-25 07:54
Greg
It is a good start but I was looking for more depth to this poem
gregwa8
Tue, 2018-09-25 23:44
thanks for trying to keep me
thanks for trying to keep me deep :). the first line, I agree, is a little heavy for the rest of the poem. I'm liking it though, still.