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Old Coat
I wake up adorned in the raiment of grief
Like an old coat, worn and threadbare
in all of the usual places
The pockets always seem full
with memories and images of the ones I’ve lost
My familiar acquaintance, sadness, is in there too
These things fade for a bit,
but they are always safely tucked away
avoiding the holes in the fabric time tries to put there
Despite appearances to the contrary,
the coat has been very well made
by all of the tailors no longer here
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Not sure if the coat analogy is too contrived - thoughts?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Sat, 2021-02-27 15:18
Michael
wow your write is impeccable just beautiful full of imagery but so very sad think I might have to follow you lol
perfect write thank you
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
Michael Anthony
Sat, 2021-02-27 19:26
Thank you Chrys! Yes, this is
Thank you Chrys! Yes, this is a very melancholy piece. Always appreciate your thoughts, and the visit.
FYI - I thought Ray had a good suggestion, so I have edited the 3rd stanza. I think it works well.
Best
Michael Anthony
Ray Whitaker
Sat, 2021-02-27 18:27
I like this, so in tune with
Some of the other poems posted tonight. A brutal sort of honesty, a discussion of the places we end up in our lives.
I would only suggest that you keep to the three line stanzas:
“avoiding the holes in the fabric
time tries to put there
To put into the same line:
avoiding the holes in the fabric time tries to put there
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Michael Anthony
Sat, 2021-02-27 19:23
Thank you Ray - Great
Thank you Ray - great suggestion! I've edited the poem, and I think it does help with the rhythm and flow. Much appreciated!
Best
Michael Anthony