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My love, My pain
Love of my life,
You told me your name, I told you mine
You gave me your sweet words, I gave you smiles
You gave me butterflies, you gave me smiles
You promised me your heart, I promised you mine
Love of my life,
You gave me more happiness than money could buy
Your words were like seasoning that spiced up my life
Your touches like torches that light up the night
I can't stop thinking of your lips on mine
Love of my life,
It's been ages since I last heard from you
My limbs are weak from looking for you
My eyes are weak from crying for you
My head is aching from thinking of you.
Love of my life,
I found you in the arms of another
Those arms that once caressed me now hold someone else
Those lips that once kissed me now pour forth venom
First you gave me butterflies and now you give me pain!
Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-06-01 07:16
hello Zengoddess,
in these lines: I found you in the arms (of another)
Those arms that once caressed me now hold another
instead of the repetition, try: (I found you in the arms of someone new)
these are my favorite lines:
Love of my life,
You told me your name, I told you mine
You gave me your sweet words, I gave you smiles
You gave me butterflies, you gave me smiles
You promised me your heart, I promised you mine
I liked them best because they flowed well and spoke of such happiness.
*hugs, Cat
*
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Zengoddess
Tue, 2022-06-07 06:05
Thank u so much Cat for your
Thank u so much Cat for your comment. Your correction is most appreciated
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-06-01 08:12
Hello Zengoddess!
The main functions of repetitions in poetry are to emphasis on a particular point. It makes it easier to understand. It brings the meaning, theme into some sense of focus.
But it can also create a sense boredom and complacency. But it can also incite enchantment and inspire bliss.
Beautifully crafted!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Zengoddess
Tue, 2022-06-07 09:30
Thanks Onyi
Thanks Onyi
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-01 10:39
You have...
have recieved some good advice; you can use any or all of it or even a combination of it all. The pain of heartbreak!
I would use the word [looking] instead of scouting
I wouldn't use the word [another] so close to where you used it last
instead I might use [her] like this: Those arms that held me, now hold her
Delete the word [once] it doesn't add anything to the line in either spot.
I feel your pain, A pretty good description of a broken heart! ~ Geezer.
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