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Diamonds on the Water, and Boats at Low Tide
I don't know when the change came for me
It's not like a date you could mark on a calendar
With little still to prove to anyone,
the edges are worn now, smoother
The change, I think, came from living
Learning from all the mistakes
that showed my humanity how to be better
than when it first began to feel
Appreciating the lessons of hurt
in all its’ forms and incarnations
I cherish all the ribbons awarded me,
secretly displayed on my heart
I can see diamonds on the water now
Feel the sadness of boats, aground at low tide,
pleading for the water’s quick return
so they can fulfill their purpose again
This awareness keeps bitterness at bay,
to not give it a home, a place of refuge
with a hearth for it to fan the flames
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Sat, 2022-09-10 23:06
Diamonds on the Water, and Boats at Low Tide
Hello, Michael,
This is magical poetry. I'm sure whatever you felt when writing, or still feel about, it is completely different from what I feel reading it, but I think at a certain age, and a certain time in our lives, we all have similar feelings in this poem. I couldn't give a date, either, but there was a defined time when life became smoother and learning from mistakes was welcomed with more humility and less ego. For me, the diamonds on the water represent all the simple, wonderful gifts there are to life, endless. And since I am aging, I understand the low tide the boats are experiencing. Wonderful personification! Your last stanza is wise and heart-warming. I knew from your title that this would be a gem.
Thank you!
L
Michael Anthony
Mon, 2022-09-12 11:20
Thank you L! Your thoughts
Thank you L! Your thoughts on this piece are spot-on, and I really enjoyed the thoughts you shared. Glad you liked this piece.
Best
Michael Anthony
Geezer
Sun, 2022-09-11 13:30
My thoughts on the last stanza...
I would say:
"This awareness keeps bitterness at bay"
[not giving it a home], a place of refuge
[and a hearth for fanning the flames].
Of course, as always, if I have misconstrued the meaning
or said something not intended, I apologize, and never expect
for a poet to take my word for it, that a thing might make their work better.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Sun, 2022-09-11 16:20
Thanks Geez! If you are
Thanks Geez! If you are saying the last stanza is grammatically incorrect your suggestion would make sense, but I don't think that's the issue here. Perhaps it's more of a style preference thing, in which case I much prefer it as it stands. Always appreciate ypur comments sir!
Best
Michael Anthony