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Time machine
If I could build a Time machine
I'm not sure where I'd go
A chance to alter memories
Unmeet people that I know
To unsay words I shouldn't have said
And say ones I wish I had
Rewrite each badly written page
Relive days spent with my dad
Unbreak my broken heart
Undoing all damage done
Erasing all the bad times
And relive all the fun
But I can't build a Time machine
So play cards dealt by fate
I don't need to Time travel
To a specific date
I've learnt that Time is precious
So why go back and waste it
Yes my future is unknown
But I can't wait to taste it
Life itself's a time machine
Wherever my destination
I will live each day content
In its subtle variation.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2023-01-18 08:51
Very, very good!...
I think that adding [ing] to Undo and Erase, would help the tempo just a bit. I like that you have left out words
that do not matter and still keep the meaning of the line. A lesson that I learned early on in my writing and
something I have tried to teach people, but rarely succeed in. You could add a syllable to second to last line in the last stanza. [I will] live each day content. Your rhyme is excellent, and the theme is too. Very well done. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words.unwritten
Wed, 2023-01-18 08:58
Thank you geezer ...I was
Thank you geezer ...I was also unsure about the ing ... I shall change that because I did originally write it that way ... thanks a lot for your advise ..and comments means a great deal x
Alex Tanner
Wed, 2023-01-18 08:57
Loved it
How often have we all wanted to do just that, I know i have. Simply, but beautifully put, as poetry should be.Alex
Words.unwritten
Wed, 2023-01-18 09:14
Thank you Alex.. so where
Thank you Alex.. so where would you go given the chance to travel through time?
Alex Tanner
Wed, 2023-01-18 10:04
Back
I would go back only about 14 years to warn of my 4 year old granddaughters brain tumour in the hope there would be time to treat it. She never suffered, she never complained and died soon after her 6th birthday. I have thought of writing about her but the right words, as yet, won't come. Alex
Words.unwritten
Wed, 2023-01-18 11:04
I'm sorry to hear that ... I
I'm sorry to hear that ... I can't imagine what you went through ... writing about such loss would be difficult and when you're ready if you ever are I'm sure you will honour her with beautiful words x x
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2023-01-18 14:05
Excellent
I’m a fan and you know that. I can say I agree with you, life is the time machine. Although it doesn’t put me I a position to change the past it sure will let you live there which I don’t recommend. It’s good for a quick visit, or a subtle reminder, beyond that it’s best left behind.
Excellent job,
Tim
Words.unwritten
Wed, 2023-01-18 14:50
Thanks Tim... I think that
Thanks Tim... I think that that's really what it's about ..like I've lived in my past for too long ..or at least let it haunt me ...and now finally my life seems to be going forward ..lots of new things happening and I've realised I can't go back ..and shouldn't because lifes too short ...too little time ..thank you for your support as always x x
Words.unwritten
Thu, 2023-01-19 08:30
I'm definitely not a pro lol
I'm definitely not a pro lol only really started sharing my work recently thank you so much for your lovely comments it means a great deal ... Great to meet you too ..yes ..I'm in the competition with this poem xx
I will check out some of your work ..xx
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-01-19 11:39
She’s very modest
Don’t let her fool you though. The woman can write brilliantly.
Words.unwritten
Thu, 2023-01-19 13:47
Lol ... thanks tim x x
Lol ... thanks tim x x
Lavender
Thu, 2023-01-19 10:28
Time Machine
Wonderfully written in tempo and rhyme. And, yes! to its message. The last two lines are especially inspiring.
Thank you!
L
Words.unwritten
Thu, 2023-01-19 11:37
Thank you xxx
Thank you xxx
Rula
Tue, 2023-01-31 02:02
Congratulations!
On winning the grand prize. Well merited.
Keep up the good work!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Alex Tanner
Tue, 2023-01-31 05:13
Congrats.
A well deserved win, Very well done. Alex
Kristen H.
Tue, 2023-01-31 11:02
Congrats!
Congratulations on the win! Well deserved!
Lavender
Tue, 2023-01-31 12:32
Congratulations!
Well done!
L
Geezer
Tue, 2023-01-31 12:56
Your winning...
Poem of the Year needs a public congratulation! This was surely the best of our competition. I am sure that you will be an even better competitor in next year's contest. See ya then! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words.unwritten
Tue, 2023-01-31 14:11
Thanks geezer ...x x x
Thanks geezer ...x x x
Words.unwritten
Tue, 2023-01-31 14:10
Thanks so much everyone ..
Thanks so much everyone ...means a great deal to me ... I joined this group to get my work out there and to see what people think as I've never shared anything before ..I've learnt so much from you all and will definitely continue writing .. x x x
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-01-31 17:28
Congratulations
I’m on a self imposed hiatus this week with a ton going on but I would be absolutely distraught and remiss if I did not comment. You are a great writer and collaborator. Congratulations on your well deserved win.
Tim
Words.unwritten
Fri, 2023-02-03 04:49
Thanks so much x x x x
Thanks so much x x x x
Abby
Thu, 2023-02-02 21:48
Congratulations on the win,
Congratulations on the win, it was well deserved, this is a wonderfully insightful poem.
"To fly is to fall."
Words.unwritten
Fri, 2023-02-03 04:50
Thank you so very much x x
Thank you so very much x x