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When The Frost Bites...
The winter wind runs wild
sending freezing, icy howls
echoing down the valley
Snow spitting from its jowls
Fangs of flashing silver
slobbering sleet from tongue
Winter coat of white
paws scrabble hard to run
Bare flesh slipping from its shelter
The blush of blood goes pale
Frosted teeth bite harder
my resolve begins to fail
Forget this night of wonder
go inside and have a sit
Have a cup of tea, stay warm
Don't take the chance of getting bit
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2023-02-04 03:54
A winner entry
And a timing piece
Very much like the alliteration through out. It adds much to the scene, and not without a good advice by the end.
Good job!
PS. The line
Bare flesh slipping from its' shelter
do you really need that apostrophe?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-04 09:02
Thank you...
for the correction of the apostrophe. I sometimes forget the rule concerning it's/its. I guess it is because the rule does not apply to most any other situation. I am glad that you liked the alliteration, thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Rosewood Apothecary
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:19
Goes off like a drum line
You always have near perfect structure and conversational feel to these things. I feel like you’d have killed it as freelancer for The Saturday Evening Post. Norman Rockwell would do the artwork of course.
Tim
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:45
Whoa!...
That is high praise! The only time that I have ever been so [chuffed] as they say in Aussieland, was when someone compared me to Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens! Of course, Norman Rockwell would do the artwork. Thank you much for your comments,
~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:24
Dearest Bro
This is pure brilliance. In word and from your mind.
It's been such a privilege to watch your poetry transform over the years. One I feel blessed to be witness to.
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:53
I'm so glad...
that you like this one. I know that being where you are in Australia, you most likely don't get much in the way of frost or frostbite. I tried hard to give those who don't know what the weather is like here, a taste of it. Yes, I think my poetry has changed for the better, but it is because I have had some of the best in the world to learn from, including you. Thank you,
Love and higgest bugs, Brother Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:44
Amazing
I cannot imagine a better way to describe this awful cold weather we have been having, even winter in general. Excellent work as always!
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-04 10:54
Thank you...
I'm glad that I got it right! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sat, 2023-02-04 19:34
When The Frost Bites
Hi, Geezer,
I'm wearing a huge grin, and nodding "Yes!" to your perfect description. I, too, like the alliteration, and the tempo and humor throughout.
Thanks!
L
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-04 20:00
Thank you...
so much! It makes my heart glad to see that so many people like what I have written; that they get it! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-11-27 15:05
Dear Geez,
this poem is one I had not read before, I just now discovered it! These are my favorite lines; because they set the hook for the reader to continue reading the poem!
The winter wind runs wild
sending freezing, icy howls
echoing down the valley
Snow spitting from its jowls
They leap off the page with enthusiasm, by way of vivid imagery and style! I see you wrote it in February, so I can guess you had plenty of inspiration supplied by mother nature. All-in-all, a very clever write! I love the title.
*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Mon, 2023-11-27 17:37
Thank you...
Yes, I remember that one, it was during a snowstorm, or rather a sleet storm. The sleet was hitting my window and it sounded like sand. When I looked out, it was driving sideways, and the wind was howling. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.