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A sparrow
Concerns given wings
Migrate southward for winter
Make this frost my home
Light footed sparrow
Bringing forth this bright new dawn
Draped in morning snow
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
RoseBlack
Wed, 2023-02-22 19:07
The opening line
is my favorite! I love watching the birds out in the backyard. We have a cardinal that visits periodically and a resident woodpecker too. Beautiful write!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Wed, 2023-02-22 20:02
A Sparrow
Hi, Tim,
This feels like a lovely, long exhale followed by a lovely, long inhale. Breathe out tension, breathe in love. I am loving the tiniest footprints from the sparrow over the fresh, bright snow. Very zen.
Thank you!
L
Indivisible_Origin
Wed, 2023-02-22 20:14
haiku form
I used to have a practice of writing one 5 7 5 per day. I found it was good practice and honed my writing. Fantastic imagery packed into a tight format. I see an avian's footprints in snow. Well done.
Seren
Wed, 2023-02-22 21:47
Dear Tim
Do you know the story of the Guf? It is said that when a baby is born the sparrow sings as the soul comes from the Guf to enter the baby as it is being born. There is more to the story and it's a little darker but your poem made me think of that story and also as winter recedes the Sparrow is announcing the coming spring with his light footsteps in the snow.
It's a gorgeous poem.
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-23 08:03
dear Tim,
you have penned some really great lines, here!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2023-02-23 10:05
There is...
a sparrow's nest under the eaves of the house next door. I see them swooping in and out all the Spring, making a new nest for raising the years' nestlings. I look forward to it every year. Harbingers of Spring and rebirth. Your Haikus give me that feel.
Nicely done! BTW, you have managed to spell [bringing] wrong. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-23 11:46
So I did
I’ll go fix that. Don’t want anything soaking in brine. Lol
Thanks Geez
Tim
lovedly
Thu, 2023-02-23 10:49
He smiled and I was for him a bard
your sparrow made me recall our
Sparrow of Neo
All neo knew
I think then ...u were not party
to Neo