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Back When There Was Hope
I used to believe in fate
Back when it was only designed for me and you
Every star, every sign
Proof from the universe’s messengers that we were soulmates
The way we so effortlessly clicked
Like a puzzle with only two pieces
But still valued our differences
Like two people making empty promises
After so many years of waiting
I knew it was right this time
An overpowering energy resided within us
Temporarily veiling the problems we faced before
This was until fate meant more than my fabrications
And breakups with no explanation
I was forgotten,
Alone in the dark with all my expired hopes for us
One day I found out the truth
And I wish I could blame fate
But it wasn’t really fate was it?
It wasn’t the universe crafting the perfect life for us
I wonder if I was ever it for you
Or just another distraction from your fear of being alone
Did you realize the impact you had?
Did you realize how much I loved you?
But that was a long time ago
Back when i denied what I knew
That fate, to me,
Doesn’t exist without you
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-05-04 15:41
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5 stars, line edit: "Like two people making empty promises" to "Like two puzzle pieces promising to fit"
In "Back When There Was Hope," the poet examines the disillusionment that comes from believing in fate and soulmates. The language is simple, but effective in conveying the sense of longing and disappointment. The imagery of stars and signs as proof of their connection is a common trope, but the poet makes it feel personal.
The use of the puzzle metaphor to describe their relationship is interesting, but the line "Like two people making empty promises" feels clunky and disrupts the flow of the poem. A suggested line edit to "Like two puzzle pieces promising to fit" would better convey the idea of their compatibility.
The poem's emotional impact is somewhat hindered by its lack of specificity. The reader is left with generalities about the relationship and the breakup, which makes it difficult to fully connect with the poet's experience. Additionally, the final lines about the nonexistence of fate without the other person feel somewhat cliché.
Overall, "Back When There Was Hope" is a decent exploration of love and disillusionment, but it could benefit from more specific details and less reliance on clichés.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Thu, 2023-05-04 23:19
Back When There Was Hope
Hello, Cassidy,
Such an honest, revealing poem. I feel the hope and belief in fate expressed in the first couple stanzas, and then there is the shift to an awakened realization - a moving forward. Thank you for sharing this.
L
Cassidy Brock
Wed, 2023-06-07 13:35
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply! It means so much to me.
Cassidy