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Two in the Rain
two joined, separated
a brother now one
and his brother's friend
a friend that loved
filled that emptiness
that hearth and home
could not mend
one fateful day
their ways crossed
to wayward wend
what tears run streaks
on your redded cheeks
why the furtive pulse
in your eyes it shows
so plain a plan
to bring him back
though a means to do
so sorely lack
keep alive that
sacred part you filled
his heart and thus
wherever he may be
there shall you also
remain his friend
no brother, nor blood
no rain, nor wind
would understand
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
The title of this one is quite long, again. Hope that isn't too much of a bother.
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Sat, 2010-11-27 20:18
so be it
Your poem
Is lovely
Really
That does
Loved see
You all rrr poets
Of sub consciousness
I of self adoration
But when I write
Abstract ones too
I don't even know
What I myself did do
So I compose
But with a silent gait
Lest I am found
Out,
At an erroneous gate!
Albeit!
loved
crypticbard
Sun, 2010-11-28 08:49
harness
what you experience in your days and in your past
your memories and whatever touches you most
then let the Muse direct your poetic path
and allow you pen to paint with words that sight
you will find treasures thus transformed
and in that achievement find no regret
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
loved
Sun, 2010-11-28 10:51
THY MESSAGE TIS WELL TAKEN
SO i COMPOSED ANOTHER POEM
THE ONLY DIFFERENT WAYS
HAVE UR TAKE
U MAY ONCE AGAIN MUSE
AND ERE I DO CONFUSE
DON'T LET OUT THE RUSE
WOW U R English is funtastic
my eyes glued to the type
so please excuse
the case
just in case!
loved
crypticbard
Sun, 2010-11-28 17:46
yeah, ALLCAPS is hard to read
it's like listening to someone screaming. hahaha.... thanks for the comment. and I will read your poem the only different ways. cheers.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
loved
Tue, 2011-03-15 13:17
All caps on
is only when i don't know
the CAPS R on
as i belong to ancient typists
who type like fighting with wrists
that's all about to CAPItals
aint it?
SUReLY Enough
u like it half caps on
and half
u know what
taken down
loved
Victorclaude
Mon, 2010-11-29 10:29
Cryptic,
Cryptic,
Excellent ending! Thoroughly enjoyed this one.
Victor
"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."
Unknown (at least to me)
Hooded Stranger
Mon, 2010-11-29 11:23
CB
CB,
I am not a big fan of long titles, but this is my exception. The title immediatley gave us the image from where the rest of the poem started from.
Just the right amount of emotion as this topic could of gone a lot deeper and been just too heavy.
The rain really gave this the cloud of gloom it needed.
Really enjoyed it,
HS
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crypticbard
Wed, 2011-03-09 04:02
HS
Titles are the death of me.
That may be my greatest fear... to give an apt name to a body of poetry.
Thanks for having spent time with this poem
and thanks even more so for responding to it. CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
loved
Tue, 2011-03-15 12:12
where r u my
free end.................
loved