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Lick an armpit
Do you love her?
Really, truly.
Of course you say,
her truths and lies
her smarts and sillys
her beauty and flaws
but do you love the human creature?
the sweat and pheromones
the skin flakes and cuticles
the pubic hair stuck under your tongue?
when she is not wearing deodorant,
lick her armpit
truly, madly, deeply.
Then know how much you love her.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Licia Daniels
Mon, 2011-03-28 16:36
Jess
It's the second time in as many days I see the very cliched cliche in a poem of yours: truly, madly, deeply. A shortened version actually appears right in your opening stanza. That particular cliche really truly and deeply drives me mad. Ditto "strength and weaknesses".
What's with pheronomes (sic), Mr Fiery-Gnome? Try pheromones. Enough sillyness (sic) now. This kind of silliness is not to be expected from a poet of your standing.
As to content, my time is rather too limited to comment. I have bookmarked this and will be in touch shortly.
Diana
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-03-28 17:00
oh dear, Diana, ever heard of irony, or parody?
I am deeply aware of cliche and I know it is very risky using it, especially on people who lack humour. As to the fairy-moans, thanks for the spell check, should have done it myself.
I adore that phrase, "truly, madly, deeply" it's almost a post-modern statement in itself.
As to content, I look forward to it. Even silliness can have meaning. I know I have failed to appreciate depth in the work of a mutual acquaintance, but I hope my more serious works provide a counter-point.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Blue_Halcyon
Mon, 2011-03-28 17:36
ROFLMAO
hahaha lol Only you Jess, only you! hahaha lol
I love it!
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-28 19:04
Disgusting,
Disgusting how can anyone not love a sweaty armpit, something wrong with you people. Love the subject not so sure about pace though. Regards Roscoe.. he..he.
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-03-28 19:20
you mean I should have gone straight for the pit?
No, seriously, I'm don't understand, shorter lines perhaps?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
CCfire
Mon, 2011-03-28 20:59
Rexona?
Parody from the comments on mine and done so well that I see it evoked discussion on armpits, may I say that waxing has just got the poor pit feeling very naked and left out indeed, this may help to put it back on the map LOL
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
lou
Tue, 2011-03-29 05:58
I like it
but i'm not sure why, as it is an odd little poem and quite revolting. Then again maybe that is why I like it. The fact that it isn't the average treatment of a love poem, pleases me. I can't detect anything that I feel needs improvement, except for the line ' truly, madly, deeply,' but may be that is because there was a film with that for a title, maybe you could say, ' penetrate her desire,' or ' penetrate with feeling,' or maybe not LOL !!
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-03-30 00:21
with "truly, madly, deeply"
I was pitting the cliche against the sweaty reality. Risky, sure, I guess it worked for some and not for others.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
crypticbard
Tue, 2011-03-29 06:16
what weirdness is this!
Maybe not... "stuck under your tongue or in between your teeth..."
graphic realities... I guess it's why some people have such
scenes behind closed doors, sometimes forgetting to draw the curtains.
Fresh sweat is not the worst, just the body's cooling mechanism...
it's the rancid, 'fermented' type that has interacted with micro-bacteria
that we have to watch out for.... I am sure you "allowed" this poem
to push buttons and sensibilities.... lol
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-03-30 00:24
I've always been fond of the taste of sweat,
tears, blood and certain other bodily excretions...
Part of what this poem is about is a protest against the sanitisation of love and human interaction in popular media.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
crypticbard
Wed, 2011-03-30 03:19
a little dirt
never hurt anyone... that's how kids build up immunity. I think it is also the basic principle of vaccines.
But I don't honestly think that bodily fluids are 'dirt' per se.... although some on certain conditions can get dirty.
I would vote for the human touch and a bit of snoggling any day! Yay for pheromones and such.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:13
who mentioned dirt?
not me.
What's the best way to remove unwanted pubic hair?
Spit.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
vexations10
Tue, 2011-03-29 07:46
Came here because I found your profile interesting
now, wow. I like how you push the envelope with this work. I understand the comment about he cliches but not overly bothered by them. I might look for something other than strengths and weaknesses. I like armpit in the title and would like to find something else for "lick." Perhaps armpit caress. Nonetheless a poem that provokes response and thought.
vexations
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-03-30 00:26
thanks vex,
as I explained above I used the cliches very consciously, to counterpoint the reality of human intercourse. If I change them, I would have to change them for other cliches.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Wed, 2011-03-30 00:28
Jess
LMAO
Don't change a god-damned thing, man, except "sillyness" (spelling), 'cuz hey, been there, done that!
You told me the other day about the kind of poetry that you think rocks?
Well, guess what.
heehee.
Most excellent.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-03-30 06:24
ta Jim and Ian
I think it's true that I'm at my best when I am at my most irreverent.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-04-04 11:17
Dear Jess,
I love it! Just the thought of putting my tongue to his hairy arm pit has me rolling on the floor laughing. I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised for long, though, as it is the kind of thing I might do. I'm having a life long affair with his gorgeous tummy hair! Thanks for this, Jess!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:16
ta Xena and Cat
comma added, Xena,
am so glad to hear he wouldn't be surprised
Cat, I had always surmised
you were my kind of woman.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Mon, 2011-04-04 14:24
Jess
the title caught my attention and the read had me in splits......but tell you what you have come up with a lovely prescription or shall i say a litmus test?...lol..
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:18
glad to hear it raj, thanks
my very favourite poetry says something serious without taking itself too seriously.
but sorry, I don't understand, a prescription or litmus test for what?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Mon, 2011-04-04 23:00
obviously for "do you love
obviously for "do you love her"...
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-04-05 08:28
read the poem again.
"Obviously" I gave the answer.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
pleiades
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:24
ha! an ex used to do exactly
ha! an ex used to do exactly that ...loved natural body
odours and the like
would prefer me unwashed to washed
you'd think i would have found it a bit gross ...anything
but, people ...anything but
truly, madly, deeply ...cliched perhaps, but who cares?
of my all-time favourite phrases
not a thing about this write i don't like
and not a thing i'd change
cheers
p
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:27
ta p. why do you suppose the Aussies I've showed this to
really get it, far more, and with far less cringe factor, than most Americans and British?
Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
pleiades
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:35
"Are we less body-shamed and
"Are we less body-shamed and more sensual?
Or just grungy?"
all of the above ...and then some
(being an aussie rocks)
Rottiestyl
Thu, 2011-05-26 16:24
The title drew me in - I
The title drew me in - I wrinkled a nose for a split second only because I wasn't expecting what you threw out there. I see it this way - forget the damn reference to licking of armpits (I am referring to some of the comments) It's about true love. You say you "love" someone with body and soul? well, as you have used your Jess-ness to perfection again, is the armpit not a part of body? If you'd give a kidney why not? I get it.
Kim
(V)
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-05-26 16:47
oh you totally got it!
That is what this poem poem is about, your even took it further by the idea of giving a kidney.
You are hot! I wish I could afford to visit you in America or vice versa.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rottiestyl
Fri, 2011-05-27 16:25
Then stop talking about
Then stop talking about leaving the site damn it! I love your stuff Jess - you know that just your reviewing blade can be a bit to sharp at times but I ignore it, lol! You know I love ya!
Kim
(V)
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-05-26 16:42
I never replied to this? OMG
I never replied to this? OMG! Mea culpa mea maxima culpa. ;-)
Now what can I say that hasn't said before? You need a woman. Bad.
~A
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-05-26 16:51
Dearest Anna
All the the women I need are women like you and Kim. Real women with real meaningful dialogues.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-05-26 16:54
But a fuck would be nice
now and then.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rottiestyl
Fri, 2011-05-27 16:26
You did NOT just say that!
You did NOT just say that! LMAO!!
Kim
(V)
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-05-26 18:44
Thank you Jess, I
Thank you Jess, I sooooooooooooooooooo needed that..............laugh.
My indomitable Jess.
~A
wesley snow
Thu, 2011-12-22 21:25
As the Lady said... revolting,
but a fresh perspective on the love poem. Don't forget that sweat is urine. Not joking. It's the same fluid from the same system.
I didn't have a problem with the so called "cliche" lines, but then I used them often. Usually in reverse order... such as "barrel, lock and stock".
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
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weirdelf
Thu, 2011-12-22 21:38
mmm
looks like urine, smells like urine, tastes like urine, lucky I didn't sweat it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
William Saint George
Thu, 2011-12-22 23:04
Delightful
First, I loved the brevity. Then, as a love poem, it's a rather brave one, and straight to the point too.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-12-22 23:14
thankyou
good sir
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
William Saint George
Fri, 2011-12-23 18:28
O and one thing...
You didn't f***ing swear in that one!
O and for vaginesque, please use it in a poem, pretty please...
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-12-23 22:43
oo
I must have forgot to put it in.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry