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Blade
A moment’s inattention and oh,
Steel blade pierces my flesh.
Dear me, lots of claret quickly soaks my sock.
But,
Hard man.
Patch It up.
Back to work.
The redness oozing through my white overalls a badge of manhood.
Or perhaps defloration of my thigh
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Region & Country
Sydney, Australia
Favorite Poets
The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard
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Comments
Eumolpus
Thu, 2019-07-25 14:57
Hmmm
Not sure about defloration in that I can’t get the association of.women losing virginity. To deflower. That opposed to a knife or cutting tool accident...
You set up the poem nicely, precise and tight. Just not connecting the finish for me
.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
weirdelf
Sun, 2019-07-28 02:44
not sure about that myself
it was just the first bad injury I got working, when I finally went to a doctor after work he was aghast I had left it so long and put 10 stitches in. I had put on a bit of rag and closed it with duct tape.
The relationship to loss of virginity is, as you say, questionable, but that's the way it felt. I was working, much against my nature and beliefs but out of financial desperation, on a non-union site so it was carry on or lose pay.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2019-07-27 03:15
ta
mate
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentMarthalyn
Sat, 2019-07-27 08:44
I like Mark's observation
and I like your metaphorical use of menstrual blood (one of several possibilities) in combination with male power and manhood attitudes. The last lines of each stanza are stunning and tie everything together. Mark said it best, "This is a beauty only one of the best could pen."
Respectfully,
weirdelf
Sun, 2019-07-28 02:47
Not menstrual, virginal.
Important distinction.
But thank you. I have been seriously questioning my abilities as a poet lately, in fact always, and yours and Mark's comments really made my day.
Thank you.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
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