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Winter
Ashen dawn
Violet kissed
Bruising early morning mist.
Shiver cold
Icy greys
Crystal crunchy winter days.
Feathered fronds
Floating free
Diamond sculpted filigree.
Glitter snow
Crumbly white
Sparkling dusty trinket light.
Sun shimmered
Spangled trees
Rooted in the glister seas.
Golden bloomed
Amber hues
Set in jade and pastel blues.
Glowing moon
Round and bright
Heralding a frosty night.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Thu, 2010-12-09 16:52
Hello Xena
Winter might look good but if you've got no heating it's deadly. My son has been staying with us - can't afford to buy any oil!! Sorry to hear you're chilled to the bone! Winter snaps it's jaws. The poem is a tad on the romantic side - not particularly realistic. I know you've been having a hard time in Scotland - I think the temperature is up slightly tomorrow - hopefully. At least spring is round the corner! Sometimes I visit the botanical gardens ( Just up the road from us ). Some birds are residing inside the Glass dome - so strange because they think it's spring ( the dome has to be kept warm for tropical plants ). And they are singing away!! amazing.
Hey! Thanx for reading and commenting Xena - despite freezing fingers.
Lots of love
Mand xxxxxxx
lou
Thu, 2010-12-09 12:28
Mand
I love the first stanza, perfect winter.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mand
Thu, 2010-12-09 16:50
Hey Lou
How you holding up in this weather? There isn't much snow left here in South Wales. Seems to have come early this year though. I'm guessing there's more to come!! Ahh probably shouldn't have said that.
We have been having some fantastic morning and evening light though. I was in a place called Ferndale - way up in the mountains - and it was fabulous - a sea of glitter covered everything, a magical sight. I did little to capture its essense in this poem - needed someone with better skill - did me best though and I appreciate you reading and commenting.
Thanx Lou Pleased to hear from you.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx
scribbler
Thu, 2010-12-09 12:36
winter
I really like the way you coveyed the feeling of winter in such a minimalist way. Can't decide if second or last stanza is favorite..............stan
mand
Thu, 2010-12-09 17:00
Hey Stan
Good to hear from you! Winter! beautiful to look at! My freind has already slipped over twice - snows not the problem it's the black ice. Just have to stay indoors and view it from afar. Lol
Thanx for reading and commenting - I really appreciate it.
Keep safe and warm my friend.
Love Mand xxxxxx
scribbler
Thu, 2010-12-09 23:53
can't help it
Be careful to not bust your white ice on the black ice. Also beware the kizmaice(the ice that makes you almost fall and exclaim"kiss my ice ! " lmao
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 03:44
Ha ha!
I will stay clear of the kizmaice! Fortunately all the ice has melted here in South Wales - but I think Scotland is still snowed under! But I've no doubt there is some more Kizmaice to come. Ooohh!!! Lol.
Thanks Stan nice to see ya!
Love Mand xxxxxxx
raj
Fri, 2010-12-10 12:50
Dear Mand
You have given voice to the moods of winter through this beautifull write...rather i would call it a winter song...so very smooth is the flow...a pleasure read for sure..
warmly..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Sat, 2010-12-11 04:21
Helloo Raj
Soo pleased to hear from you! I have smiles all over my face. I read your poem about leaves - you are a true artist.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I really do appreciate it.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxx
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2010-12-10 15:15
Oh how I loved reading this
Oh how I loved reading this Mand
"Violet kissed"...loved
Oh the brittle winter's skeletonised fragility,
you have it here expressed exactly as it is,
Oh yes I loved the rhythm and the sound of it,
the vision and the poetry too.
Just the last verse I stopped and found the
last line banal compared to the rest
for some odd reason? Why?
Derde der cold of night,
was it the rhythm here, or the meaning,
I am not sure?
Perhaps, leaving it to you, but the sense of
either STILL of night, or Ice of night or
something a bit more brittle again here?
"Smiling moon
Round and bright
Heralds in the cold of night."
Then it will be perfectly wonderful Mand,
Love from me, Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Fri, 2010-12-10 15:32
Hello my friend
Yes! I agree - how still it is on a bright moonlit winters night. "Heralds brittle cold of night". Any good? It's going to need thinking about. All suggestions welcome and I thank you for your observation - can't always see the wood for the trees.
I'll work on it. Thanks Ann for reading commenting and suggestion.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
mand
Tue, 2010-12-14 04:03
Hiya Shirl
Ehh so good to see you. Hope you enjoyed your time in London. I hear it was snowy there.
Not long before christmas - it's come round really quickly, I wonder if it will snow for christmas!!
Anyway good to have you back Shirl.
I've got a bad eye again so it will be up and down to the hospital but I'll try and catch up with you soon.
LOads of love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
mand
Mon, 2010-12-20 17:44
Hello Amalzamani
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I hadn't thought of that! Lol I'll try and think of a different word. Glad you pointed that out - I need to know these things.
With love Mand xxxxxxx