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A Contemporary Free Verse
The shrewd intelligentsia is rife
among the class of men who have no God.
The ignorance believers oft employ
in place of reason have no need of It.
Avera.
A petty doctrine well defined,
unreasoned precepts all contrived
that they be held eternally
in purified abeyance as proscribed our reach,
are precepts resurrected fresh
each generation codified by cold, ambitious men.
Dhanb.
The names of Sin are legion as are Sins themselves,
withal they’re nothing more than one’s perspectives.
True Evil is but that which man contrives.
What one society may hold as good,
is elsewhere seen as actions ‘gainst a God.
Pāpa
The wise or analytical elite
see through this knowing they are all that is.
Religion is a lie to sooth a soul
that never could exist despite its need.
Māyā
But if the Devil breathed in His false Hell,
then willingly I’d sell my abstract soul
to buy a glimpse of God in Heaven’s High.
Sin.
Comments
loved
Fri, 2012-04-13 02:32
Māyā...Maya is an attribute ascribed to wealth and materialism
after which universally,
all so called humans run
To see more poemise in free style
upon my face begets a broadened smile
and
hopes those who done down others
now don't smirk
with twirled feathers,
a brow, a cheek, a frown may be
to compose in free verse
is no more a crime
it’s more of modernized intelligence
when eons passed very few was so dominant.
Thanks to Snow
And
your free style lovely flow.
loved
Ian.T
Fri, 2012-04-13 02:46
Wesley
Well free verse would you believe it but cant get my mind around , that this piece was more of a casual stroll through a dictionary to show others your grasp of funny words appertaining to the main theme.
Not sure if to crit it or just say well done, would have liked a theme that was less jumpy from one aspect to another. Like trying to ask me to write one of those penty things lol, Yours Ian
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2012-04-13 07:45
At once complex and subtle
At once complex and subtle all this.
Wesley I feel that you approach closer
and stand there in front of me to expound your thoughts
where before you were more remote in some other era
wandering the Elysian fields of past shepherd poets,
of course flavoured with the present sense of words
as you wished, juxtaposed side by side the past and present circumscribed.
Now here a present contemplation more completely poised
to stir our minds to see beyond you into the depths of other lives now living.
I don't like mentionong levels,
and don't mean discriminating levels;
but here I am taken, or tumbled in my mind,
through different levels in my head,
seeing as through a narrowed lens
the workings of your mind as you so elegantly
charge us with your thoughts Wesley.
Like an intelligent conundrum
we follow from one side to the other
your balancing of human philosophies,
and although we miss your rhyme and musical rhythm
we find a percussive trend that
claps its intelligence about us,
to be heard by those whose wont
is speculation, and detailed thought about existence
and the presences of devils/gods.
I like the way you throw in these 'foreign' words
that mean the same thing as parts of the text,
the sin, and we meet the great mother, a day's ploughing,
father and the potato among other side tracks of meanings
that surely entertain us outside your poem.
That's my thoughts Wesley,
your friend ever Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
emogothgirl
Fri, 2012-04-13 10:11
but wesley, did you like it?
he's branching out! a quite impressive first try. one tip, though it may not even work for you: when i write in free verse, i just start thinking and let it flow. it starts with one line in my head and that line could be anywhere in the work, it could even be the title. so i think my only critique/advice would be don't overthink it.
always,
mag
wesley snow
Fri, 2012-04-13 23:59
I have a maxim...
... I use to keep me from composing entire lines before putting them to page-
William Faulkner said it... "... when you write, just write. Don't think. Just write. The work will come out with revision."
It is one of the most difficult aspects of my poetry.
"Just Write! Don't try to figure out what you want say, just start writing. You'll always be able to return and change everything if you don't like it, but if you try to form it in your mind complete before putting it down, you will NEVER write."
And... I did like it. I don't love it, but I like it.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Kailashana2
Fri, 2012-04-13 10:20
Dustin Hoffin in I heart
Dustin Hoffin in I heart Huckabee... the blanket.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOgQAMdKdyg
Why do I post it here? Occam's razor cuts through everything to find nothing that isn't it.
~A
William Saint George
Fri, 2012-04-13 13:13
The complexity of your
The complexity of your thought makes this poem delightful...
I thought I detected some dated expressions.
"oft employ"
"withal..."
Labeling the poem "contemporary" might not reflect the reality of the poem. The subject is definitely contemporary.
That the poem is short is a blessing in disguise (to some, I'm guessing) lol.
And you're really good at free-verse, however it's defined.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
scribbler
Fri, 2012-04-13 14:15
Damn!
I thought I'd misread title. Wes doing a free verse! I'll come back to this this evening when shock has worn off lol.....stan
Tam the Chanter
Fri, 2012-04-13 18:45
great stuff
Nice one, Wes. Maybe lines 1 and 3 could start with "That" and not "The"? I really enjoyed the read.
Ian
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-04-13 19:52
I'm going to try to pretend I don't know the background of this.
Unfortunately I dictionaried, wiki'ed and googled Avera and dhanb, otherwise I would have gushed. You nearly caught me you smug cunt.
Yes, it reads beautifully, is structurally exquisite free-form, don't dare deny the existence of such if you have ever read TS Eliot or others of his ilk.
Why do you have to be so nihilistic about meaning? Are you incapable of considering that depth of meaning is available to us mere mortals, so you hide in medieval story-telling? Grow up!
You are a word-crafter beyond belief, so why do you sneer at content? With your skills you could convince your reader of almost anything.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-04-14 00:06
Thanks to everyone who took the time.
Jess, coming from you I think I just won a Pulitzer. And William, everything is contemporary to someone who studies history. Therefore, English being only five hundred years old or so is brand new, but I know what you mean. I have recently begun what I hope will be a relatively short poem set in 2009 and the main character (who narrates) cannot speak in a language even slightly dated. I'm actually having a tough time at it.
Go figure.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2012-04-22 14:13
Wes,
Over the years, I've studied different religions. What I found is a control domestication of the masses, by fear of a tremble after life, yet all the bibles say. That there is nothing after death. So what the fuck are they talking about.
You have done a fine job in free verse to get your point across. That for me is strange why you wrote it that way. It seem you went against everything you believe. ( that write is religious, but there is a deeper meaning why you picked free verse) I feel that your choice was also a sort of rebellion.
Interesting!
Give me more of the same.
Eddie
PS. I agree with Jess. Sometimes it seems your bullshiting yourself about your ability.
Funny thing how we see ourselves.
It not easy to follow our own thought. And Faulkner is absolutely right.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
wesley snow
Mon, 2012-04-23 00:05
Thank you kids,
but to clarify- I didn't exactly choose to write in this form. I had been giving Stan a hard time about something (I don't remember what it was) and he told me to be careful or he'd tell on me to Jess and Jess would command I write a "contemporary free verse".
The next comment was Jess commanding me to write a contemporary free verse. Also, that why it was named so as I'm not sure it's truly contemporary. I like my language served up old.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Eduardo Cruz
Mon, 2012-04-23 10:53
As if,
someone could command you. Just stop and own up to the fact that when it comes to writing, it is you whose in command. What bullshit, I am surpised, still I respect what you do and how you do it. Oh yeah, now you throw poor Stan into the mix "as if" he's the one to blame. Hahaha!
always watching out for bullshit,
Eddie
"THE BULLSHIT MONITORING POLICE"
(TBMP)
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-04-23 13:10
Dear Wesley,
I think you should give this piece a proper title. Then underneath the title lable it as "A Contemporary Free Verse." In these lines:
The shrewd intelligentsia is rife
among the class of men who have no God.
The ignorance believers oft employ
in place of reason have no need of It.
do you mean those you mention (the ignorance believers) have no need of "it" does "IT" refer to God, or religion? If you are refering to God, would it be more coherent to say; "in place of reason have no need of Him/Her? (Sorry, I am confused)
I do like that you have written something outside of your comfort level. I will get back to you with my analysis, after I have reread and given this piece more thought.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
wesley snow
Mon, 2012-04-23 23:05
Well, now, Cat,...
what the hell did I mean by that? I'm not absolutely sure there. The language is so twisted I'm not positive what I'm talking about. This is what you get when I write something straight up, from the heart (or actually in this case... more from the head).
I know I was speaking of the "knee jerk" responses too many of the "godly" use to explain their belief. The idea that once the decision that God is this or that has been decided on, it requires no actual reason to explain anything. It's late. I'm not making much sense, but I think you're right that the sentence (even if it turns out to be structurally correct) is so muddled that the author, when tired, can't figure out what it meant.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
loved
Mon, 2012-04-23 15:29
ONCE YOU ALL SWITCH TO FREE VERSE THINGS WILL GET
MOVED TO BLOG AS PER MY MASTER'S VOICE
Do not read here.
ONCE YOU ALL SWITCH TO FREE VERSE THINGS WILL GET
Worse
a curse
Loved has made all forget
what was poetry and verse
and the bestest critique we all know ,
will my cruci-fixation rehearse
ere that happens guys go back to your archaicity
and
leave my precious verse to and for me..
i must thank thee
if you want to see
the bard survive in me..
loved
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-04-23 14:25
(((hugs))) Loved.
Don't get personal, we all get crucifixion for our verse. It's a part of being a poet and you know that.
If these are your last hours, and I would truly regret that, know that I will stay along with you for as long as I can stay awake, considering substances, but as long as I can.
Lets' take this to a blog. Everyone invited. But it is not part of Wesley's poem
Your tormentor, teacher and friend,
Jess
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Mon, 2012-04-23 15:24
Your tormentor, teacher and friend,
thy command is for me to comply.
so I
Blog it from here...
Nothing personal
as long as you stand
beside me and near ,
none else do I have to fear.
loved