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Stardust Harmonies
Intangible, soft colours gently drift
in streams of many tones, across the void -
creation's water's vibrant, bejewelled gift
there for my humble eyes, to be enjoyed
But truly too far distant to behold
for vision that's contained by time, confined
to me its symmetry will yet unfold
when my soul-self, again, is re-defined
I'll leave behind this dirt I've worn and trod
exchange it then for light of fiery essence
and be set loose to wander throughout god
in galleons of lustrous luminescence
I'll set my sails from Neptune's cloudy seas
to make my way along the milky ocean
and drink my fill of stardust harmonies
while swaying to the universe's motion
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2012-05-01 13:37
Dear Judy,
Wow! a beautiful and enchanting creation, this. Loved the title and that you took it from one of the lines of the poem! It flows wonderfully. I liked it all, but these lines clinched it, for me,
I'll set my sails from Neptune's cloudy seas
to make my way along the milky ocean
and drink my fill of stardust harmonies
while swaying to the universe's motion
No suggestions, just appreciation for the work!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
judyanne
Tue, 2012-05-01 14:53
thank you so very much cat
for the supportive comments
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Tue, 2012-05-01 14:04
Hi Judyanne
a wonderful journey of the soul created by you here...you did create a sense of buoyancy very appropriate for this creation...i was just thinking if "Creator's" would have been a better choice than "creation's"...
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Tue, 2012-05-01 14:55
dear raj
lovely to see you
thanks so much for the lovely comment
and for the suggestion
i'll think on it, but i imagine i really would rather not draw attention to creator, rather creation itself
- and i used the g word in the third verse :)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Wed, 2012-05-02 15:48
so good to see you posting a
so good to see you posting a lot again Juddyanne...
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-05-08 02:59
Sublimely constructed and gorgeously written
now, you are going to kick my arse for my only critique, I am a scientist as well as poet. In the context of the stardust, which is galaxy wide vision, Neptune is too mundane, it's just a planet.
[runs away and hides]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Tue, 2012-05-08 13:41
thanks again jess
lol - i chose neptune for a reason that now escapes me
wanted to use 'cloudy seas' - i think neptune's clouds must've been what i thought of
well the scientist in you will just have to suck it up - hiding or not (((( big smiles ))))
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)