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the darkest hour'......Edit BY Judyanne
eyes drooping
away from a cloudy sky
lightening threatening
thunder rolling
a splash of daylight
as the sun breaks in
then sudden rain in full fury
folks run for shelter
in a huff and hurry
mayhem
God plays merry hell
I stand dumb-founded
spell bound
lost voice
unable to yell
the shadows move around
as they do in hell
roads vanish
and the sea swims in
a miniscule moment
time wise tsunami
ferocious
all hang upon trees
now growing atop roof tops
many souls laid to rest.
I’m left to ponder the
pangs of nature
we tend to attribute
to
Almighty who?
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2012-08-27 05:20
I think,
I think i know where you're trying to get to, but i think it needs a bit more work. I think it stumbles here and there, your work is unique. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
loved
Thu, 2012-08-30 13:49
You may now like to reperuse
Judy has changed the hue altogether
loved
judyanne
Mon, 2012-08-27 12:41
i really like this loved
but I think there is too much ‘play’
you can often get away with silliness in your writes, but I think you need to keep the seriousness of this one
my take
eyes drooping
away from a cloudy sky
lightening threatening
thunder rolling
a splash of daylight
as the sun breaks in
then sudden rain in full fury
folks run for shelter
in a huff and hurry
mayhem
God plays merry hell
I stand dumb-founded
spell bound
lost voice
unable to yell
the shadows move around
as they do in hell
roads vanish
and the sea swims in
a miniscule moment
time wise tsunami
ferocious
all hang upon trees
now growing atop roof tops
many souls laid to rest.
I’m left to ponder the
pangs of nature
we tend to attribute
to
almighty who?
one other thing - the title. i think it could be stronger - 'the darkest hour'? 'God who'?
just me, as you know
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Tue, 2012-08-28 04:04
Judy you are truly
a GEM ,
and glad in the mayhem
you pass over my silliness
thanks
loved
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-08-27 12:52
Dear Loved,
I too, like where you are going with this write! You have good energy rolling, here. I like Judy's ideas and suggestions, also. Nature can be a real B!tch.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Thu, 2012-08-30 13:50
Kindly review you too please do...
Judy has edited it
changed the texture
what a wonder ...
loved
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-08-30 14:00
Loved
A grand write and full of vigour, well done,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
loved
Thu, 2012-08-30 14:16
Thanks Ian ...missed you
the polisher Judy
needs to be graced too
more you know
than me...
loved
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-08-31 11:30
Dear Loved,
I admired these lines:
many souls laid to rest.
I’m left to ponder the
pangs of nature
we tend to attribute
to
Almighty who?
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Fri, 2012-08-31 11:48
Cat you are the one and only one
who respects
and values appreciation ...
more than criticism ..
it gives non- poets like me
some hope
as a Neopoet to cope.
.thank you for your continued support.
I am now in search of my 51 gems
out of over 9000
can't still find many
can you help me please.
you have read so many..
loved