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Thoughts (Simple and Plain)
Hearing my life as I listen to music
Life is music cause someone still breathing produces
It seems useless trying to hide my emotion
Something within me refuses to remain a hermit
Confusion is conducive Damn my style is a nuisance
Seems like my rhytmn abuses rhyme on purpose
Abusive what do to the instrumental
It's that simple
Minerals in patterns on a train of thought It seems I'm always late for
Can't catch even when I arrive early Always in a rush it seems
Dreams only become reality when you wake up and make it happen
Life sometimes is only worth imagining
Comments
Race_9togo
Wed, 2012-12-05 23:36
Hello Numero
I took the liberty of doing something that I almost never do, editing someone else's poem.
I did this because when I read your poem, I thought "Well, THIS makes no sense."
Then I spoke it, and it became much, much clearer, to me.
Hearing my life as I listen to music
Life is music
'cuz someone still breathing
produces
It seems useless
trying to hide my emotion
Something within me refuses
to remain a hermit
Confusion is conducive
Damn
my style is a nuisance
Seems like my rhytmn
abuses rhyme on purpose
Abusive
what do to?
the instrumental -
It's that simple
Minerals in patterns
on a train of thought
It seems I'm always late for
Can't catch it
even when I arrive early
Always in a rush
it seems
Dreams
only become reality
when you wake up and make it happen
Life sometimes is only worth imagining
Forgive me if I offend by editing, but this has real potential.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Numero Negative...
Fri, 2012-12-07 11:21
Thanks
I seem to have a problem with my writing and I hear alot that people can't understand what I write.Thanks it actually made it simpler for me to understand.
weirdelf
Sun, 2012-12-09 03:34
Jim is a superb poet and critic
I almost agree with his re-writing,
but I really enjoyed this poem.
It has a certain naivety and honesty.
cheers,
Jess
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