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for you
to write a song of flawless exultation
is provocation when confined to flesh
with bliss hid by illusion’s tribulation
within this world of manifest’s flat mesh
for all too soon it seems there’s separation
perfection now a thing to never be
a cut that causes cognizant castration
when light grows dim and fades despite all plea
I’ll say my knowing you was worth the pain
had years, when really just a single day
would be enough for anyone to gain
and catch the love of life that you’d portray
although your essence from my world has gone
the joy you placed within my heart lives on
.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
loved
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:06
thank you for the me poem you composed but...
perfection now a thing
to never be
what would be the difference
if you wrote more Englishly
Thing never to be
I am aware
you will justify it for me...
loved
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:24
Loved wrote that critque?
You fucking hypocrite. You are barely literate.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:34
did you fucking well
take your medicine today
or is it a relapse .
guy I am more educated than all or most of you
put together
understand it before you once again use
the fuck word in relating to me
you have no business to do so
you are as fucking too ordinary..
for me to waste my breath ..
if not lesser than I
loved
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:48
Let me put it more plainly.
You gave no useful constructive criticism and you used the phrase "if you wrote more Englishly". What the fuck is that? (and I know how you feel about that word)
That was one useless and frankly stupid comment.
No. I am not off my meds, but I wonder if your are.
And if you are in any way more educated than me you never, ever demonstrate it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:54
waste of time ......
.................................
you have to develop a sense of humour
over your elephantiasis EGO
GOOD BYE...............................
till you become normal
if again
yes we take medicines
as and when due
to feel saner
loved
judyanne
Sat, 2012-12-15 06:19
lol
you two are supposed to be critiquing my poem, not each other
now both of you come to the centre of the ring and shake hands
thank you xxxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Sat, 2012-12-15 07:00
for round second ?????
hope not
Judy
it will be like well done red
loved
jess
the winner
loved
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 06:36
my sincere apologies
and I admit i started it. Sorry again
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 06:39
My critique?
Often the same with yours. It has superb technique and style, but lacks the conveyance of passion and verve.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Sun, 2012-12-16 22:25
lol
what can i do to melt my cold cold heart?
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Sat, 2012-12-15 06:58
Jess is master of all.. creator of this site ..he should
be CHAIR
not cheers....
man
on all boards
lol lol lol
as a good gesture
I shall remove all
lol lol lolooo
i mean our convy....
loved
judyanne
Sun, 2012-12-16 22:26
enough
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Tue, 2012-12-18 08:51
i want to have gentlemanly behaviour
hence I have stopped following
Jess and moonman
they only profess
not follow
abusing a fellow poet is not a norm
of NEOPOETS
I THINK
Sorry Judy for the crap started by him
when right fight
when wrong say
SORRY
in CAPS
loved
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-12-18 08:33
Loved, scroll back
I said
"my sincere apologies
and I admit i started it. Sorry again"
Loved, in light of your recent comments excusing child abuse and other illiterate nonsense, I think it might be time for you to take a break from the site for a while. We all need to do it now and then.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry