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A World In Trouble
Pollutions,
corruptions
racism,
degradation.
The lists of misdeeds
is truly long indeed
The world is screaming,
nature's beauty is dying
her soul is suffocating
her body is bleeding
We keep on ravaging
consuming, raping
Blind to her pain,
our lust is insane
When will we realize
what we've done to her,
we do to ourselves
to our own future?!
We can pray,
hope and sing
but nothing is changing
when actions are missing.......
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
William Saint George
Fri, 2014-02-07 05:17
This poem is pretty straight
This poem is pretty straight forward. Your rhyming wasn't bad too.
.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
alidzain
Fri, 2014-02-07 11:42
Thanks
thanks for the visit and the comment, bro.
Rula
Sat, 2014-02-08 09:55
Very true
No real actions are taken seriously. You hit the head of the nail with this Khalid. I love the touch of personification that you added to your verses especially the second stanza
"The world is screaming,
nature's beauty is dying
her soul is suffocating
her body is bleeding"
it adds an intimate feeling.
Well done!
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alidzain
Sat, 2014-02-08 14:09
Thanks, Rula
Thank you for the visit and the comment.
Alid..
scribbler
Sat, 2014-02-08 11:14
hello
There is too much lip service given to changing things toward the better and too little action. I'm no free verse specialist but have some ideas for you to mull over. The 1st 2 lines of this poem read as a list. So why not put them in a list ?
Pollution
Corruptions
racism
degradation...
Doing this gives the reader pause to consider each item instead of just racing through them.
stanza 2,line 2 Consider dropping either Nature's or beauty. I don't know why, it's maybe redundant?
third stanza is the heart of this poem I think and is perfect as is
Well, just a few thought from an old rhymer. BTW It always pleases me to see some rhyme in a free verse poem................stan