Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
New Direction
Above the road
caught in a gust of wind
a butterfly.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lou
Tue, 2011-09-27 23:37
Hi
Simple and beautiful.
Good stuff
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
magics02
Tue, 2011-09-27 23:38
Love it
Simple
but elegant
free just like
the butterfly
Great job and nice to read you once again
Hugs
Mona
raj
Tue, 2011-09-27 23:50
Hi Beki
nicely done...i would suggest though to change road to something more natural...so good to see you posting again..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2011-09-28 00:11
I agree.
I agree with Raj, i thought off ( above a trail ). Nice poem whatever you decide. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
faerybeki
Sat, 2012-03-17 20:32
I do see what you mean but
I do see what you mean but the butterfly was above the road... go with someting more poetic..or stick with the truth? :) going to leave it, but thank you for stopping (forever ago lol) to comment and give some input! :) lots of love to you all xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
Esker
Sun, 2012-03-18 02:19
butterfly road
road a solid route a path we take
for most
and then the butterfly free
a route they take yes
no need for roads with wings
caught in a gust of wind
not just flitting along
but that would catch my eye
as Im always looking up at
birds
I like the road being solid
like fate like the certianty we
so desire in our lives
(some of us)
and the butterfly with its
perilous existance
its delicate persistance
flying in that freedom
gusts and all
it takes its gusts
and we take our road
dreaming of wings
thinking of freedom
on our road away from
towards too
Thank You!
faerybeki
Sun, 2012-03-18 08:53
'it takes its gusts
'it takes its gusts
and we take our road
dreaming of wings
thinking of freedom'
Yes, this is it.. thank you!! :)
it had to stay road for me, I had thought of cross roads and do see what the comments mean about something more natural or impactful, but there really was a butterfly above the road and seeing it really affected me (enough to go and write it down) and I wanted to present it as it was, unembellished. Much love to you dear Esker xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)