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Backwards

Submitted by Carrie on Mon, 2024-04-08 01:11

G
All the things that I wanna write
C
Have been written
G
All the songs that I wanna sing
D
Have been sung,
G
All the things that I wanna say
C
Have been said before
D A Em G
All the things that I wanna do have been done.

G
I wanna fly a kite
A
At night instead of day,
C
I wanna drive a big old truck
D
The opposite way
G
I wanna laugh when I’m sad,
C
And cry when I’m happy and gay
D A
I wanna do what no one’s done
G
Any other day.

G
I wanna wear all my clothes
A
Wear em all inside out,

C
I wanna be real quiet,
D
When everybody else wants to shout
G
I wanna see the stars
C
When everybody else sees the sun
D
I want my day to end
C G
When everybody else’s has begun.

C D
Wouldn’t it be weird, wouldn’t it be funny and strange
A
If everyone thought like this,
G
Slightly deranged.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

This poem was written as a song. :) Thanks for reading.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Poetry Month 2024 Imagine

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-04-08 07:11

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Backwards," uses a simple and repetitive structure that effectively conveys the speaker's desire to go against the norm. The use of everyday experiences and situations as metaphors for this desire makes the poem relatable and easy to understand.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. The repetition of the phrase "I wanna" at the beginning of many lines gives the poem a conversational tone, but it also becomes monotonous. Experimenting with different ways to express desire could add interest and depth to the poem.

Additionally, the poem's conclusion, which suggests that everyone thinking "like this" would be "slightly deranged," could be developed further. The poem could explore more deeply what it means for the speaker and for society if everyone were to go against the norm. This would add complexity and nuance to the poem's theme.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of rhyme and meter. Some lines have a clear rhythmic structure and end rhyme, while others do not. Establishing a more consistent pattern could enhance the poem's musicality and make it more pleasing to read or hear.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates its theme of nonconformity and could be improved with more varied language, deeper exploration of its theme, and more consistent use of rhyme and meter.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Alex Tanner

Mon, 2024-04-08 08:13

Love It

Change nothing Carrie. Alex

Carrie

Mon, 2024-04-15 01:13

Hi Alex

Thanks Alex, glad you enjoyed it. :)

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2024-04-09 09:33

Backwards

Hello, Carrie,
Wonderful poem and message. I played it with the chords you've offered. I like it very much. A lovely connection to the contest theme.
Thank you!
L

Carrie

Mon, 2024-04-15 01:14