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The Chase

thumping of feet on the ground
like the heartbeat of the man
running running running
through the leaves and branches
whipping and whacking him,
sometimes on the nose
other times on the elbows
tripping tripping tripping
over roots and moving things
on the ground. it was alive it was
a muddy monster grasping at
his big toe
scuttling scuttling scuttling
on his crab legs with his heavy head
weighing a ton on his shoulders,
his left arm jutting out and trailing behind
like an elastic band.
he used his hand
to grab the nearest trunk
pulling pulling pulling
himself to it. he burned
a store of energy he didn't know he had
just to get away from
the chaser
sprinting sprinting sprinting
the thought resurrected a new instinct to live,
tears drying up on his cheeks.
he reeked
of human
of sin
of dirt
touching touching touching
the foliage to remind himself
it was there, that it
existed,
and now losing balance,
his final possession
fell out of his hands
falling falling falling
he saw Eden from below
no direction left in which to go just
breathing breathing breathing
himself into existence once more
a noise.
bracing bracing bracing
himself, he looked upwards.
a face
staring staring staring
down into his own.
the lines were foreign to him
larger forehead
more wrinkles
or had he aged?
smaller slope of the nose
lowered his vision, saw breasts
an older woman
a sigh escaped him as
they were not alike.
he praised his sight
for it was not the chaser
thinking thinking thinking
so what was?
he was both the chaser and the victim
he was his own trap. He had been
running running running
from the face of evil. He had been
running running running
from the face he knew the best.
he had been
running running running
but he had never known freedom.
he had been
running running running
without a second's rest.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thought this a great piece!
but for the format,
found it a tad overwhelming,
but not sure how you'd remedy that.

Perhaps a little punctuation?

Obi.

BTW..... pace/cadence,,,,,,, you nailed it !!

Yes.

Obi.

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