Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Closed Sky
White tablecloth. Is that You Teddy ?
On the sky since years there were no clouds.
The table and the tablecloth. Teddy bear and Me.
Home, which, had never seen the clouds.
Me, a person, careful.
Will I never again see the leaves or the clouds.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-03-23 06:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem is quite vivid, especially with the contrast between the white tablecloth and the absence of clouds in the sky. The repetition of "table and tablecloth" and "Teddy bear and Me" creates a sense of intimacy and routine. However, there are some areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider expanding on the emotions or thoughts of the speaker to provide more depth and connection to the reader. Additionally, the poem ends abruptly with the line "Will I never again see the leaves or the clouds," leaving the reader with a sense of longing or uncertainty. You may want to explore this theme further to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact