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CROW?
A crow coasts slowly overhead
chasing its shadow on the ground.
It's dull black wings totally spread
in a tattered sky without a sound.
Would that I could fly like him
higher, higher, higher still
until earth's details become dim
with no promises to fulfill.
Where , I wonder, might he be bound?
Is he carrying a soul to the other side
through some portal he has found
where all of those passed will abide?
Likely he's searching for a field
of recently harvested corn
hoping the waste there will yield
an easy meal this winter morn.
I watch until he fades away
then I flex my neck and blink
as a sudden wind makes tree tops sway.
After all it was just a crow....I think.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Triskelion
Thu, 2022-02-10 13:19
Check line 10
Carrying a should? Should be soul. Nice poem. Really enjoy the rhythm and rhyme
Thomas
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...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Thu, 2022-02-10 13:21
LOL
The typo strikes again . Thanks for the visit and eagle eye
Geezer
Fri, 2022-02-11 09:05
Many mornings...
I have seen this specter gliding over a damp, cold field off to who knows where; the early bird or the outcast, who flies over like a harbinger of a bad day. I think that rather than [dull] wings, I would make them black or maybe even dull black, and [fully] spread. The third [higher] just doesn't quite fit, I think that [higher and higher] makes the rhythm and meter better.
As per always, you bring a hidden world to light, where not many others tramp, fly and float. Thank you, ~ Geez.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:16
Hi Geez
As always I appreciate your visit. I like the dull black idea but think I'm gonna keep the 3rd "higher" read it out loud and see what you think
Geezer
Sat, 2022-02-12 13:19
I did read it...
before, but as I read it again, I finally found the right way to read it. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 23:29
Glad
I wasn't imagining I had it right lol
lovedly
Fri, 2022-02-11 16:25
crows fly low
could be blindish tho
eagles like me site all typos
Stan you know
long distance I fly
why like a black crow die
I love your poetry that's why
as you away from mine
fly
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:17
Hi loved
Thanks for taking time to visit. Alas the world has kept me away more than would be good
Triskelion
Sat, 2022-02-12 01:22
Nitpicking, but
line 9 is grammatically incorrect also, let's see if you can find it.
Thomas
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.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:18
Hi Thomas
Not nit picking at all. I found this line awkward from the start. But I think I got it fixed now
Geezer
Tue, 2022-10-04 09:48
I like this...
better than ever! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Tue, 2022-10-04 21:44
Thanks
This is why I review even my oldest scribblings, Often it reveals a better way to say something