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crybaby
now i'm sitting on the edge of this thing.
this big black bowl that sinks in.
and all i can do is look at it.
and how it holds all these pills that are too big to swallow.
so i bite my lips and dangle my feet.
but once i sit myself up i'm looking at you and your mouth. furrowed brow.
it keeps forming words but saying nothing out loud.
keeps pausing and starting and sputtering.
because i asked the things i shouldn't have again.
i sit on my hands. listen to you blubber.
instead of picking the scab we let it fester and leave the conversation alone long enough to watch it attempt to heal.
but it can't heal, instead it mutates and mutilates and distracts.
i try to divide my attention between the two.
but suddenly this big black bowl,
this thing i can't swallow,
this big soft underbelly
is slit open and left unstitched.
seeping and oozing all over my fingers and feet like something fell from the fridge.
and you look at me,
helpless, pleading and reassuring me you didn't mean to.
but it's still bleeding and it crusts.
and we text each other every few months so you can sacrifice your apologies to make room for niceties. and empty asks about things that haven't changed.
and the black bowl
is all-consuming.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-08-15 13:33
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Geezer
Tue, 2023-08-15 10:44
I feel you...
I really do understand. I guess I also understand the reason you write with all small letters and the I isn't capitalized.
Hopefully, you will learn that you are worth a capitalized I someday. Sorry, one of my personal bug-a-boos.
I would like to see you write with capital I's. We are important, each and every one of us!
I think that if you were to make your lines more even, it would make your poem look a little more readable.
Some of your lines are really memorable:
"And we text each other every couple of months
so that you can sacrifice your apologies to make niceties
and empty asks about things that haven't changed"
I really get that! The feeling that the other person feels they have to make an apology, but it isn't real
and you know it; thinking to yourself that apologies shouldn't be sacrificed just to make nice.
I hope that you learn from our poets here and you improve your work in the areas you wish. That is what we do here.
Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedud
Tue, 2023-08-15 14:41
:)
thanks for the input!! i've never put much thought into my capitalization i've always typed this way outside of school haha. i'll think about formatting my stuff differently. and i appreciate all the kind words and tips. i write based off of almost pure impulse and emotion so i don't think about the actual structure most times. actually, i rarely revise any of my poems but i wanna change that! thanks again for the welcome, i hope to learn some stuff while i'm here. :]
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-08-15 15:36
When you...
are writing for the average reader, you should think about capitalization and punctuation. If it is not at least somewhat correct, a lot of people will just skip over it. I tend to want as many readers as I can get; [it makes for many eyes and thoughts on what
I've written and ideas of how to make it better.] Again, welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.