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The Demise Of A Witch (October Contest)
In a dress of red on an ocean bled
Finest of silk thread, finest in the land
Perhaps she was dead some of them said
Maybe you should come take her hand
She laid upon a seedy bed
Broken broomstick in the sand
With a warm bloody bedspread
Her head broken where she crashed on land
They fled from what witches all dread
Seeking shelter in a broken down shed
The two were wed with wedding bands
Not daring to take chances instead
Nothing was said away they all led
Out of the dark forsaken land
There was no more on Earth to tread
The warlock's deed was seen firsthand
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
medes879
Sat, 2019-10-12 22:00
Meaningful Message
I have to limit the amount of time I spent on Social media but I, also mentor up and coming talent in private.
I firmly believe in constructive criticism but see no point in being critical just for the sake of it.
I just hope that I can encourage others to develop their own unique style and promote the beauty of the written word
Mario Vitale
ThisIsMe
Sun, 2019-10-13 14:46
This is beautiful poem, I
This is beautiful poem, I especially love your rhyme pattern and the lines "Perhaps she was dead some of them said" and "not daring to take chances instead". Maybe think about changing the word order of the line "they fled from what witches all dread" to "they fled from what all witches dread" for a slightly better flow. Great job!!
Patricia
Sun, 2019-10-13 19:23
ThisIsMe
Hi there thanks for the great review. I also thought of changing the line they fled from what witches all dread to they fled from what all witches dread. I'm glad you liked the rhyme scheme I put a lot into it and I'm afraid I'm going to have to change it somewhat. I hope you'll still like it. Anyway thank you for the comment.
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