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Drifting

Submitted by brittle light on Wed, 2010-12-08 09:01

.
in a drift
I notice, but forget
long term memory disengaged

I bet some nice poems
are still a'float in there
somewhere

alone

never even bumping into each other

what happened?
they might ask
he couldn't find a pencil?

the cream of the crop
made of our own volition
out of whole cloth
the best he has to offer

but, because he can't remember
"save to long term memory mode"
we are all lost,
never to land on a page
or in a song

left adrift in this boundless sea of
everything else ever forgotten
...and that's a whole, whole lot!

you'd think he would have learned
by now

how the hell did this poem make it .....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2010-12-08 14:28

Geezer's picture
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would like to see this expanded. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

brittle light

Wed, 2010-12-08 18:07

brittle light's picture

took your advise....It's bigger now!...hopefully, more satisfying.
so glad you spoke up, It's good having a second set of ears, eyes, minds....
thanks for keeping me on my toes,. I can get a little hasty with the submit button!

later,

Al

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2010-12-08 23:12

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No telling how many writes are lost due to lack of opportunity to capture them while they are fresh on poet's mind. The only minor change I would make would be in spacing at one spot :
somewhere drifting

alone

never even bumping....

I think isolating " alone " would add emphasis to it's meaning, course that's just my opinion lol..........scribbler

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