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Eroscapes
A smile as sweet as a choco lick
soaked in a juicy peachy blush
a form with curves like a meandering river
rushing in its youthful prime
Eyes which sparkle and instantly ignite
a passion with their seductive charm
lighting up somewhere deep within
fires of smouldering desires
Lips so lucid moistened with dew
softer than the rosy primes
ready to be writ on their velvety petals
verses with ecstatic chimes
The only blemish if there is one
is being wrapped in a see through robe
I wish that the brush had eased its throes
after painting your shapely toes
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Sat, 2016-04-30 09:37
Raj
A very descriptve piece indeed. I've got an image of a houri but you know you've eluded me with that title as it's not listed in the dictionary, but I can anticpiate what you wanted.
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raj
Sat, 2016-04-30 12:28
Thank you Rula...
Thank you Rula...
appreciate your visit and comment...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sat, 2016-04-30 13:40
You're welcome raj
I think the lady on demand must be v . happy with it.
On my second read however, I noticed two "primes". I thought she must be really a wow :)
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raj
Sat, 2016-04-30 15:49
Thank you for coming back and
Thank you for coming back and dropping a comment...
haha..the lady in demand?...if you read the last stanza it's about a painting..
this was in fact an attempt at not crossing the line without compromising with the passion...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-05-03 06:36
well spotted, Rula
the two 'primes'. It subtly twists the poem
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Sat, 2016-04-30 16:07
It can be read
In many ways which is an advantage, I believe.
The brush could be of the creator's. Or at least how I read it.
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raj
Sat, 2016-04-30 16:10
Hi again Rula
You are spot on...that's the abstract part of the poem...in fact i wanted to know if it's perceived both ways...thanks for the confirmation..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-05-03 06:44
the poem expresses abstracts well, withought using them
and a restrained use of simile preferring metaphor. Much more effective, it always sounds silly to me when someone says 'a smile like juicy peaches'.
Lovely, eloquent use of language, Raj.
My only crit is that the last verse has, to me, a taint of moral overtones. There is nothing wrong with the complete revelation of the human form, the holding back is a bit like saying the burkah makes women more sexy. Mystery is not an attraction in itself, in fact it the mystification of human form tends towards objectifying it more than revelation does.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Tue, 2016-05-03 13:02
Thanks Jess for your time,
Thanks Jess for your time, read and comment which is appreciated.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Wed, 2016-05-04 04:24
come on!
I challenged you. Reply.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry