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A firm fist

Submitted by Edward nigma on Fri, 2022-07-01 18:59

The firm fist of
Persistence
Passionately
pounding
at your door .

It’s heart
of rage
boldly bleeding
out into a
blood-thirsty
uproar .

Your soul
sinks deep
into it’s
tense trench
drenched
in silence.
As the world
reverts
towards
violence .

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2022-07-02 07:08

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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That first stanza is fire. I love it.

Second I’d try:
It’s heart
of rage
leeching out
Into a
blood-thirsty
uproar .

And third:

Your soul
sinks slow
drenched in silence
as the world
reverts to
violence.

The “reverts back” was an extra syllable and revert means to go back so it was redundant anyway. Please consider my criticism lightly. I have my style and it’s not my intention to steer you away from yours. I do think that says the same thing a little tighter and maybe a bit more descriptive and less redundant.

Good job and nice idea!
Tim

Edward nigma

Sat, 2022-07-02 09:25

Edward nigma's picture
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Well I wrote this while have one of my many migraines While listening to Stephen Sondheim .
https://youtu.be/14xtv0Cwguw
And I fixed it
Oh and thank you .

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

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